Friday, November 6, 2009
I want to switch to livejournal! ):
sad to say but quite tired of blogger..
Everything has come to a closure. Be it Wilfrid(I know it's way back), ZengYi(This one too) or Ivan. I guess I've figured things out.... Not that I didn't love Ivan or love him any lesser but I guess it's just simply that Clarissa has grown up.. or just changed.. I suddenly has a glimpse at my old photos. Then I realised how much I've actually changed through the years. Don't even need to bring all the way back to the old days like 5 years. Just these few recent year would be sufficient.
It time to start afresh, it's time to close this blog. I know I will still always or once in awhile come back and read through this blog cause these few years really meant alot to me and left a great impact on me. But afterall I know its also part of my growing up stage (:
So darlings, wait for my new blog! <3
loves.
(P.S I never add Bryan into it cause I'm still not sure what he thinks.. but sometimes it just feels as though I'm being played. Sad to say.. but thats all to it now.. if there's anything my new blog would say so (:)
sealed with a kiss
9:26 AM
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
I really havent blogged for a really long time.. with many reasons.
But i'm back here once again..
It maybe my last time blogging it may not but i hope this would be the last time that i'm feeling like this.. tearing while blogging.. it has been awhile since this happened.
I ask myself.. am I really truly happy now? But i really don't know the answer.. I don't dare to answer. I know i tell myself I'm happy I'm very happy I must be happy. But there's just so many buts.. I hate this feeling.. I scare I actually don't know what is love anymore.. Nowadays it seems as though I don't know if I really know whats love.. My heart seems to far to reach and feel. I scare I no longer know love is just that simple I scare I can no longer see that meaning.
But I know I don't want to make those people around me, who cares and loves me to worry. So no matter what I try to put that smile on my face.. that it's okay attitude... I'm so afraid that one day I'll just fall and people will see. I scare people around me will leave me. I scare those close to me will drift apart from me just like how elaine and me...
My heart hurts so much.
Will you all still love me for who I am? After knowing I aren't that strong.. knowing that I'm actually not that happy. Will you all do anything to cheer me up, or leave me cause I'm a waste of time? Will you all teach me what is it like being really truly happy.. I hope I really did make you all happy.. Did bring joy to you all.
bye.
sealed with a kiss
3:33 AM
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I'm sorry ming. I really don't know how to tell you.. but I know you're damn worried.
And I'm sorry to you too. Maybe I just owe you that too.. cause it happens that those 2 guys are my best friend and good friend. I don't hate you.. I love you a lot and you should know that. You mean a lot to me that's why I'll be even more hurt.
sealed with a kiss
3:42 PM
The person who hurt you the most is someone you least expected...
Sometimes I just have to agree with it.
I just feel like crying.. cause even how hurt am I, I just can't say. Cause I don't want the person to feel guilty or sad. But it hurts a lot. And I really don't know who to turn to.. I'm trying my best to hold back those tears... I just feel like running out of school.
And I no longer know how to face her.
Even though I looked fine just now, in actual fact, I was bleeding inside.
Can someone please tell me how.
Actually I kind of knew about it before you say it to me but I never thought it would hurt so much after hearing that.. I was disappoint. Extremely.. but I didn't know what to say.
It happens that when I came online.. zy was the first contact to pop up. I wanted to say it to him but I held back cause I know it can't be him hearing it.. I know what he'll say... And this time I rather not hear it.
But I'm feeling so terrible now.. Now I quite glad that my seat is at a corner and my partner who supposed to be sitting next to me is always not here..
I just turning to my blog is the only way.. but it don't seems to help this time.
And if you didn't realize.. I changed my password. Cause I don't wish that she's reading this..
I know I can't blame you and I don't blame you. I just blame myself. Maybe I'm just so stupid.
I really don't know who can I share this with.. it must be someone who don't know you I guess... I can't even bring myself to share this with Ming.. and Serene( she's busy with her exams in Aussie; I don't wanna distract you but I promise you will know when you're back)
Can you please tell me who can I trust and turn to now?
bye.
sealed with a kiss
2:30 PM
Sunday, May 17, 2009
I'm having a mixed feeling now..
Lots of stuffs are on my mind.
I'm just scared... so afraid.
There's this fear in me.. I won't deny the presence of it.
Ming: what are you afraid of?
Me: you should know
Ming: tell me about it
He just wants me to say it out.. Just wants me to learn to admit it and face it. Thanks best friend. I know you know.. you know how scare am I. You know the reason to it. You know how fragile am I when many don't. When I'm unsure you will ask me to go find out and when I'm starting to run away you will make me understand that only when I learn to face it and find out then I'll know the answer. My dearest buddy, I don't know how to express how I feel at the moment. But you know I'm really thankful.. that you understand me.. and know when to be fierce and firm. I really want to know the answer.. And I know I can count on you when I just can't figure it out.. but this time I think you are also kind of stuck..
It has been years and you will always say it's not wrong to cry when you know I am really very sad. You will say it's not wrong to want to depend on someone at times. Or you never change and will still be able to use reverse psychology on me.. your best friend is a silly girl but give her some time, I know and promise I'll learn to face it and find my answer.. I'm sorry.
loves.
sealed with a kiss
1:48 AM
Thursday, May 14, 2009
I've been blogging in school..... gahhhh.
Nevermind. Hehe Finally! The editing and stuffs of the graduation video is coming to an end :) Alot effort has been put into it. I hope we will do well :)) Kind of happy about what Mr Fuan said to us yesterday. I need to do very well for my ELDC! I need to do very well for my TEP!*** extremely important***
So I met up with my EMRS clique yesterday. Okay not all. Cause Hilary was "dawn-ing", Preena was "sham-ing"(Basically, they are spending time with their bf/gf), Tuan complaint too FAR!(I AGREE!).
But we had fun(: Just Yinmei, Nick, Pam, Alisah and MEEEEEEE.
MS PREENA! YOU OWE ME LOTS OF MEALS CAUSE YOU ARE ALWAY THE MIA ONE. PS-ing me at the very last minute when you actually arranged the meeting??
But still, I love you ((:
Anyway, I had to call my best buddy for help yesterday! hahah so sorry about the many many many phone calls :p
You should know I hate this feeling too...
I just don't understand and this time I admit I need help I just cant read........
My best buddy you know I love youuu.. :p
And don't use what I've said to you on me k. I'm not hopeless!
AND
""Birds of a feather flock together" and what's more when you're my best friend..." You have to understand that sometimes there's just exceptions (:
Don't ask me questions which I don't know how to answer.. You have to answer me and clear my doubts before I answer yours. Sorry.
bye.
loves.
(P.S Yesterday was unlucky la. For a particular incident.)
sealed with a kiss
10:46 AM
Monday, May 11, 2009
Today didn't exactly have a perfect starting
I was late and injured myself and stuffs...
Nevermind.
So, I had some time alone to reflect on stuffs..
I've thought about it, and thought that maybe God has put it in such a way to make me learn to face things instead of just turning away or just purely avoid and lie to myself. Maybe it was the best, and I trust that as time passes I will be able to neutralize that "hatred" in me... And maybe then I will truly be able to forgive and forget.
Yup. Doubt you all will understand so stop guessing! just ask me.
Dal treated me for dinner today (:
He came down to Nanyang Poly and met up with me and Lester.
I passed him the hard disk, like finally haha.
We talked and shared stuffs :))
I just enjoy spending time like these with people who means ALOT to me.
Thanks best friend.
sealed with a kiss
11:53 PM
clarissawee.
o6o490 (:
fairsian. nanyang poly :)
I'm someone who is simply captivated by beautiful and pretty things..
Fascinated with all the sweet and wonderful things around me like chocolates and flowers..
I adore my friends and time spent with all my dearest..
I enjoy RETAIL THERAPY..
Wanting to live life to the fullest by enjoying every moment and experiencing the best..
This blog is a place where i pen down my thoughts and share about my daily lives and as time goes by it allows me to keep it as a memory.(:
