Tuesday, May 19, 2009
I'm sorry ming. I really don't know how to tell you.. but I know you're damn worried.
And I'm sorry to you too. Maybe I just owe you that too.. cause it happens that those 2 guys are my best friend and good friend. I don't hate you.. I love you a lot and you should know that. You mean a lot to me that's why I'll be even more hurt.
sealed with a kiss
3:42 PM
The person who hurt you the most is someone you least expected...
Sometimes I just have to agree with it.
I just feel like crying.. cause even how hurt am I, I just can't say. Cause I don't want the person to feel guilty or sad. But it hurts a lot. And I really don't know who to turn to.. I'm trying my best to hold back those tears... I just feel like running out of school.
And I no longer know how to face her.
Even though I looked fine just now, in actual fact, I was bleeding inside.
Can someone please tell me how.
Actually I kind of knew about it before you say it to me but I never thought it would hurt so much after hearing that.. I was disappoint. Extremely.. but I didn't know what to say.
It happens that when I came online.. zy was the first contact to pop up. I wanted to say it to him but I held back cause I know it can't be him hearing it.. I know what he'll say... And this time I rather not hear it.
But I'm feeling so terrible now.. Now I quite glad that my seat is at a corner and my partner who supposed to be sitting next to me is always not here..
I just turning to my blog is the only way.. but it don't seems to help this time.
And if you didn't realize.. I changed my password. Cause I don't wish that she's reading this..
I know I can't blame you and I don't blame you. I just blame myself. Maybe I'm just so stupid.
I really don't know who can I share this with.. it must be someone who don't know you I guess... I can't even bring myself to share this with Ming.. and Serene( she's busy with her exams in Aussie; I don't wanna distract you but I promise you will know when you're back)
Can you please tell me who can I trust and turn to now?
bye.
sealed with a kiss
2:30 PM
Sunday, May 17, 2009
I'm having a mixed feeling now..
Lots of stuffs are on my mind.
I'm just scared... so afraid.
There's this fear in me.. I won't deny the presence of it.
Ming: what are you afraid of?
Me: you should know
Ming: tell me about it
He just wants me to say it out.. Just wants me to learn to admit it and face it. Thanks best friend. I know you know.. you know how scare am I. You know the reason to it. You know how fragile am I when many don't. When I'm unsure you will ask me to go find out and when I'm starting to run away you will make me understand that only when I learn to face it and find out then I'll know the answer. My dearest buddy, I don't know how to express how I feel at the moment. But you know I'm really thankful.. that you understand me.. and know when to be fierce and firm. I really want to know the answer.. And I know I can count on you when I just can't figure it out.. but this time I think you are also kind of stuck..
It has been years and you will always say it's not wrong to cry when you know I am really very sad. You will say it's not wrong to want to depend on someone at times. Or you never change and will still be able to use reverse psychology on me.. your best friend is a silly girl but give her some time, I know and promise I'll learn to face it and find my answer.. I'm sorry.
loves.
sealed with a kiss
1:48 AM
Thursday, May 14, 2009
I've been blogging in school..... gahhhh.
Nevermind. Hehe Finally! The editing and stuffs of the graduation video is coming to an end :) Alot effort has been put into it. I hope we will do well :)) Kind of happy about what Mr Fuan said to us yesterday. I need to do very well for my ELDC! I need to do very well for my TEP!*** extremely important***
So I met up with my EMRS clique yesterday. Okay not all. Cause Hilary was "dawn-ing", Preena was "sham-ing"(Basically, they are spending time with their bf/gf), Tuan complaint too FAR!(I AGREE!).
But we had fun(: Just Yinmei, Nick, Pam, Alisah and MEEEEEEE.
MS PREENA! YOU OWE ME LOTS OF MEALS CAUSE YOU ARE ALWAY THE MIA ONE. PS-ing me at the very last minute when you actually arranged the meeting??
But still, I love you ((:
Anyway, I had to call my best buddy for help yesterday! hahah so sorry about the many many many phone calls :p
You should know I hate this feeling too...
I just don't understand and this time I admit I need help I just cant read........
My best buddy you know I love youuu.. :p
And don't use what I've said to you on me k. I'm not hopeless!
AND
""Birds of a feather flock together" and what's more when you're my best friend..." You have to understand that sometimes there's just exceptions (:
Don't ask me questions which I don't know how to answer.. You have to answer me and clear my doubts before I answer yours. Sorry.
bye.
loves.
(P.S Yesterday was unlucky la. For a particular incident.)
sealed with a kiss
10:46 AM
Monday, May 11, 2009
Today didn't exactly have a perfect starting
I was late and injured myself and stuffs...
Nevermind.
So, I had some time alone to reflect on stuffs..
I've thought about it, and thought that maybe God has put it in such a way to make me learn to face things instead of just turning away or just purely avoid and lie to myself. Maybe it was the best, and I trust that as time passes I will be able to neutralize that "hatred" in me... And maybe then I will truly be able to forgive and forget.
Yup. Doubt you all will understand so stop guessing! just ask me.
Dal treated me for dinner today (:
He came down to Nanyang Poly and met up with me and Lester.
I passed him the hard disk, like finally haha.
We talked and shared stuffs :))
I just enjoy spending time like these with people who means ALOT to me.
Thanks best friend.
sealed with a kiss
11:53 PM
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Life's never a bed of rose.....
Don't ask me why I say so.
Okay. Do you know my blog is a very private thing to me..?
Not many knows about my blog or very few people knows about it.
And if I let you know, means I trust you :)
So please smile as you're reading this....
Today isn't much of a interesting day but it's definitely simple.
I just chose to rest at home, relax and just reflect....
Instead of making my day a fun filled one and tire-out myself.
Okay I'm also not feeling that well......
So much on my mind but don't know how to say so..
bye.
sealed with a kiss
11:52 PM
Friday, May 8, 2009
I just realised something..
haha. Not something to be proud of but I don't know la..
I become quite bitchy when I'm moody.
Or when I'm grumpy :((
In gossipy mood nowwww :p
Don't hate me k :)
Cause maybe only so then I can put my mind off those unhappy stuffs and take those tears away..
I don't know how to explain.. But I just felt like crying just now. BOOOOOOOOO :(
love.
sealed with a kiss
5:15 PM
Monday, May 4, 2009
Lester has been nagging at me about some stuffs.
I wont't deny that some of it does makes sense..
But I would also like to say that I know who means the most to me..
AND STOP SAYING I HAVE 4MILLION FRIENDS CAUSE IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!
I get what you mean that's all I've got to say...
So, I've been reflecting on stuffs.
Along the way some happy moments flashed past my mind so did the unhappy ones.
I think it's unavoidable whether I like it anot it's not a choice...
Agreeable??
It just tends to be like this..
A new friend of mine taught me something yesterday.
You know last time whenever I want to know something. If I can't get it out from the person, I'll sure have alternatives or find alternatives to know it..
But I learnt that it cannot be done everytime, sometimes there's just some things that I just cant find out.
The truth is I never wanted to admit this till I guess I'm left with no choice to face the truth...
I can't deny that I really hate this feeling and I just can't help it but be angry..
You can say I'm petty, unreasonable or whatsoever, I can't be bothered.
Cause it's natural...
Imagine you always have it your way, no matter what, you can always find out what you want but someday, it just don't seems to be that way.. I doubt you will smile too.
I'm tired.
Sometimes I just can't help but to ask why must life be so tiring... why can't I be that lucky to have someone who loves and care for me by my side.. Just someone who I can lean on, someone I can rely on, someone I can depend on at sometimes and just run to when I need a place to hide..
I pretty much guess when life gets screwed up just like this..
Question like these will just naturally float into our mind...
bye.
sealed with a kiss
12:22 PM
I feel like crying all of a sudden..
It just hits me that maybe I'm doing something wrong. And it also made me realised that I don't have the courage to face what I'm feeling..
I just realised that fear inside me actually grew.
When I realised it, the first person I cld think of is Ming. He has always been the one I run to when I know I'm in trouble. I'm confused.. I'm sorry my best buddy you always have to figure out this kind of shit for me.
My mood has been changing very fast..
I've been quite unreasonable and stuffs.
I feel so sorry but I just cant help it...
I'm just not as happy as I used to be. I just don't understand....
Ming probably knew about this, so he knows when to run and when to appear..
But he still don't exactly know what's happening cause if he knows he will probably say already...
boooooooooooooooooo :((
I haven't been sleeping well.. I hate this feeling.
I feel so guilty that I've been disturbing someone at night.
And that msg my girl friend just sent me really keeps me thinking. To say the truth, I don't even know how I'm feeling..
I know what I want but somehow I'm not happy with what I want. I don't know how to explain.. can someone tell me what to do.
Can serene quickly come back...................
sealed with a kiss
12:22 PM
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Empty is a word that I can use to describe how I feel now...
I haven't been blogging for ages, but I just suddenly thought of turning to my blog for some ranting session and just say out how I'm feeling at this moment.
With my tone and words used, you can probably guess I didn't have the best day of my life afterall. It's never easy to have one, cause people tends to have endless demands and wants in life, just one after another. Hence, it just makes life more tiring instead of actually feeling fulfilling..
I did so many things this week, with my days packed with activities. I tried my hardest to be happy and enjoy myself but at the end of the day, I'll just find it meaningless. I just hate this feeling. I really don't know.... I'm so tired. It's such an irony.. so contradicting... I always say that happiness is a journey not a destination and I believe many would agree..but now it seems that it's more like a destination than a journey.. saddening isn't it? And now I know how it feels like when I'm obliged to do something. Nevermind.
I haven't been sleeping much. I've been grumpy, throwing tantrum, angry, upset, moody, gossipy and bitchy.. I just hate it when I'm like this.. so empty. My self- esteem just drops all the way down :(( it's not as though it's very high to start with and now it's all the way down...
Can someone read my mind...
Can someone cheer me up :(
Does anyone even bothers to... nevermind.
bye.
sealed with a kiss
12:53 AM
clarissawee.
o6o490 (:
fairsian. nanyang poly :)
I'm someone who is simply captivated by beautiful and pretty things..
Fascinated with all the sweet and wonderful things around me like chocolates and flowers..
I adore my friends and time spent with all my dearest..
I enjoy RETAIL THERAPY..
Wanting to live life to the fullest by enjoying every moment and experiencing the best..
This blog is a place where i pen down my thoughts and share about my daily lives and as time goes by it allows me to keep it as a memory.(: