I hope you are the one I share my life with

2009-11-06T09:26:00.003+08:00

I want to switch to livejournal! ):
sad to say but quite tired of blogger..

Everything has come to a closure. Be it Wilfrid(I know it's way back), ZengYi(This one too) or Ivan. I guess I've figured things out.... Not that I didn't love Ivan or love him any lesser but I guess it's just simply that Clarissa has grown up.. or just changed.. I suddenly has a glimpse at my old photos. Then I realised how much I've actually changed through the years. Don't even need to bring all the way back to the old days like 5 years. Just these few recent year would be sufficient.

It time to start afresh, it's time to close this blog. I know I will still always or once in awhile come back and read through this blog cause these few years really meant alot to me and left a great impact on me. But afterall I know its also part of my growing up stage (:

So darlings, wait for my new blog! <3

loves.

(P.S I never add Bryan into it cause I'm still not sure what he thinks.. but sometimes it just feels as though I'm being played. Sad to say.. but thats all to it now.. if there's anything my new blog would say so (:)

2009-10-06T03:33:00.003+08:00

I really havent blogged for a really long time.. with many reasons.
But i'm back here once again..
It maybe my last time blogging it may not but i hope this would be the last time that i'm feeling like this.. tearing while blogging.. it has been awhile since this happened.

I ask myself.. am I really truly happy now? But i really don't know the answer.. I don't dare to answer. I know i tell myself I'm happy I'm very happy I must be happy. But there's just so many buts.. I hate this feeling.. I scare I actually don't know what is love anymore.. Nowadays it seems as though I don't know if I really know whats love.. My heart seems to far to reach and feel. I scare I no longer know love is just that simple I scare I can no longer see that meaning.

But I know I don't want to make those people around me, who cares and loves me to worry. So no matter what I try to put that smile on my face.. that it's okay attitude... I'm so afraid that one day I'll just fall and people will see. I scare people around me will leave me. I scare those close to me will drift apart from me just like how elaine and me...

My heart hurts so much.

Will you all still love me for who I am? After knowing I aren't that strong.. knowing that I'm actually not that happy. Will you all do anything to cheer me up, or leave me cause I'm a waste of time? Will you all teach me what is it like being really truly happy.. I hope I really did make you all happy.. Did bring joy to you all.

bye.

2009-05-19T15:42:00.004+08:00

I'm sorry ming. I really don't know how to tell you.. but I know you're damn worried.

And I'm sorry to you too. Maybe I just owe you that too.. cause it happens that those 2 guys are my best friend and good friend. I don't hate you.. I love you a lot and you should know that. You mean a lot to me that's why I'll be even more hurt.

2009-05-19T14:30:00.001+08:00

The person who hurt you the most is someone you least expected...
Sometimes I just have to agree with it.
I just feel like crying.. cause even how hurt am I, I just can't say. Cause I don't want the person to feel guilty or sad. But it hurts a lot. And I really don't know who to turn to.. I'm trying my best to hold back those tears... I just feel like running out of school.

And I no longer know how to face her.
Even though I looked fine just now, in actual fact, I was bleeding inside.
Can someone please tell me how.

Actually I kind of knew about it before you say it to me but I never thought it would hurt so much after hearing that.. I was disappoint. Extremely.. but I didn't know what to say.
It happens that when I came online.. zy was the first contact to pop up. I wanted to say it to him but I held back cause I know it can't be him hearing it.. I know what he'll say... And this time I rather not hear it.

But I'm feeling so terrible now.. Now I quite glad that my seat is at a corner and my partner who supposed to be sitting next to me is always not here..
I just turning to my blog is the only way.. but it don't seems to help this time.

And if you didn't realize.. I changed my password. Cause I don't wish that she's reading this..
I know I can't blame you and I don't blame you. I just blame myself. Maybe I'm just so stupid.

I really don't know who can I share this with.. it must be someone who don't know you I guess... I can't even bring myself to share this with Ming.. and Serene( she's busy with her exams in Aussie; I don't wanna distract you but I promise you will know when you're back)

Can you please tell me who can I trust and turn to now?

bye.

2009-05-17T01:48:00.002+08:00

I'm having a mixed feeling now..
Lots of stuffs are on my mind.

I'm just scared... so afraid.
There's this fear in me.. I won't deny the presence of it.

Ming: what are you afraid of?
Me: you should know
Ming: tell me about it

He just wants me to say it out.. Just wants me to learn to admit it and face it. Thanks best friend. I know you know.. you know how scare am I. You know the reason to it. You know how fragile am I when many don't. When I'm unsure you will ask me to go find out and when I'm starting to run away you will make me understand that only when I learn to face it and find out then I'll know the answer. My dearest buddy, I don't know how to express how I feel at the moment. But you know I'm really thankful.. that you understand me.. and know when to be fierce and firm. I really want to know the answer.. And I know I can count on you when I just can't figure it out.. but this time I think you are also kind of stuck..

It has been years and you will always say it's not wrong to cry when you know I am really very sad. You will say it's not wrong to want to depend on someone at times. Or you never change and will still be able to use reverse psychology on me.. your best friend is a silly girl but give her some time, I know and promise I'll learn to face it and find my answer.. I'm sorry.

loves.

2009-05-14T10:46:00.001+08:00

I've been blogging in school..... gahhhh.
Nevermind. Hehe Finally! The editing and stuffs of the graduation video is coming to an end :) Alot effort has been put into it. I hope we will do well :)) Kind of happy about what Mr Fuan said to us yesterday. I need to do very well for my ELDC! I need to do very well for my TEP!*** extremely important***

So I met up with my EMRS clique yesterday. Okay not all. Cause Hilary was "dawn-ing", Preena was "sham-ing"(Basically, they are spending time with their bf/gf), Tuan complaint too FAR!(I AGREE!).
But we had fun(: Just Yinmei, Nick, Pam, Alisah and MEEEEEEE.
MS PREENA! YOU OWE ME LOTS OF MEALS CAUSE YOU ARE ALWAY THE MIA ONE. PS-ing me at the very last minute when you actually arranged the meeting??

But still, I love you ((:

Anyway, I had to call my best buddy for help yesterday! hahah so sorry about the many many many phone calls :p
You should know I hate this feeling too...
I just don't understand and this time I admit I need help I just cant read........
My best buddy you know I love youuu.. :p
And don't use what I've said to you on me k. I'm not hopeless!
AND
""Birds of a feather flock together" and what's more when you're my best friend..." You have to understand that sometimes there's just exceptions (:

Don't ask me questions which I don't know how to answer.. You have to answer me and clear my doubts before I answer yours. Sorry.

bye.
loves.

(P.S Yesterday was unlucky la. For a particular incident.)

2009-05-11T23:53:00.004+08:00

Today didn't exactly have a perfect starting

I was late and injured myself and stuffs...
Nevermind.

So, I had some time alone to reflect on stuffs..

I've thought about it, and thought that maybe God has put it in such a way to make me learn to face things instead of just turning away or just purely avoid and lie to myself. Maybe it was the best, and I trust that as time passes I will be able to neutralize that "hatred" in me... And maybe then I will truly be able to forgive and forget.

Yup. Doubt you all will understand so stop guessing! just ask me.

Dal treated me for dinner today (:
He came down to Nanyang Poly and met up with me and Lester.
I passed him the hard disk, like finally haha.
We talked and shared stuffs :))
I just enjoy spending time like these with people who means ALOT to me.
Thanks best friend.

2009-05-09T23:52:00.002+08:00

Life's never a bed of rose.....
Don't ask me why I say so.
Okay. Do you know my blog is a very private thing to me..?
Not many knows about my blog or very few people knows about it.
And if I let you know, means I trust you :)
So please smile as you're reading this....

Today isn't much of a interesting day but it's definitely simple.
I just chose to rest at home, relax and just reflect....
Instead of making my day a fun filled one and tire-out myself.

Okay I'm also not feeling that well......

So much on my mind but don't know how to say so..

bye.

2009-05-08T17:15:00.005+08:00

I just realised something..
haha. Not something to be proud of but I don't know la..
I become quite bitchy when I'm moody.
Or when I'm grumpy :((

In gossipy mood nowwww :p
Don't hate me k :)
Cause maybe only so then I can put my mind off those unhappy stuffs and take those tears away..

I don't know how to explain.. But I just felt like crying just now. BOOOOOOOOO :(

love.

2009-05-04T12:22:00.005+08:00

Lester has been nagging at me about some stuffs.
I wont't deny that some of it does makes sense..
But I would also like to say that I know who means the most to me..
AND STOP SAYING I HAVE 4MILLION FRIENDS CAUSE IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!
I get what you mean that's all I've got to say...

So, I've been reflecting on stuffs.
Along the way some happy moments flashed past my mind so did the unhappy ones.
I think it's unavoidable whether I like it anot it's not a choice...
Agreeable??
It just tends to be like this..

A new friend of mine taught me something yesterday.
You know last time whenever I want to know something. If I can't get it out from the person, I'll sure have alternatives or find alternatives to know it..
But I learnt that it cannot be done everytime, sometimes there's just some things that I just cant find out.
The truth is I never wanted to admit this till I guess I'm left with no choice to face the truth...
I can't deny that I really hate this feeling and I just can't help it but be angry..
You can say I'm petty, unreasonable or whatsoever, I can't be bothered.
Cause it's natural...

Imagine you always have it your way, no matter what, you can always find out what you want but someday, it just don't seems to be that way.. I doubt you will smile too.

I'm tired.
Sometimes I just can't help but to ask why must life be so tiring... why can't I be that lucky to have someone who loves and care for me by my side.. Just someone who I can lean on, someone I can rely on, someone I can depend on at sometimes and just run to when I need a place to hide..

I pretty much guess when life gets screwed up just like this..
Question like these will just naturally float into our mind...

bye.

2009-05-04T12:22:00.002+08:00

I feel like crying all of a sudden..
It just hits me that maybe I'm doing something wrong. And it also made me realised that I don't have the courage to face what I'm feeling..
I just realised that fear inside me actually grew.
When I realised it, the first person I cld think of is Ming. He has always been the one I run to when I know I'm in trouble. I'm confused.. I'm sorry my best buddy you always have to figure out this kind of shit for me.

My mood has been changing very fast..
I've been quite unreasonable and stuffs.
I feel so sorry but I just cant help it...
I'm just not as happy as I used to be. I just don't understand....
Ming probably knew about this, so he knows when to run and when to appear..
But he still don't exactly know what's happening cause if he knows he will probably say already...

boooooooooooooooooo :((

I haven't been sleeping well.. I hate this feeling.
I feel so guilty that I've been disturbing someone at night.

And that msg my girl friend just sent me really keeps me thinking. To say the truth, I don't even know how I'm feeling..
I know what I want but somehow I'm not happy with what I want. I don't know how to explain.. can someone tell me what to do.

Can serene quickly come back...................

2009-05-03T00:53:00.003+08:00

Empty is a word that I can use to describe how I feel now...
I haven't been blogging for ages, but I just suddenly thought of turning to my blog for some ranting session and just say out how I'm feeling at this moment.

With my tone and words used, you can probably guess I didn't have the best day of my life afterall. It's never easy to have one, cause people tends to have endless demands and wants in life, just one after another. Hence, it just makes life more tiring instead of actually feeling fulfilling..

I did so many things this week, with my days packed with activities. I tried my hardest to be happy and enjoy myself but at the end of the day, I'll just find it meaningless. I just hate this feeling. I really don't know.... I'm so tired. It's such an irony.. so contradicting... I always say that happiness is a journey not a destination and I believe many would agree..but now it seems that it's more like a destination than a journey.. saddening isn't it? And now I know how it feels like when I'm obliged to do something. Nevermind.

I haven't been sleeping much. I've been grumpy, throwing tantrum, angry, upset, moody, gossipy and bitchy.. I just hate it when I'm like this.. so empty. My self- esteem just drops all the way down :(( it's not as though it's very high to start with and now it's all the way down...

Can someone read my mind...
Can someone cheer me up :(

Does anyone even bothers to... nevermind.

bye.

2009-02-11T09:14:00.003+08:00

Nicole Scherzinger - Until U Love U

Do go listen to the song. It's nice and meaningful I guess... Don't you agree?

"Take a look in the mirror, you're beautiful
Take a moment to love the one you are
Learn to accept yourself, coz it's the truth

Can't love nobody else, until you love you"

It's probably true that we should love ourselves first and only when we learn to love ourselves then we can truly love someone else :)

Anyway, I shall briefly talk about what has been going on in my life.
Life has been stressful, busy, tired but also fun at times.
Broke down a few times in those few days but I guess I'm fine afterall :)
I had my play times along with hard work.

Since that last post.
So, on that very day, I went to Zouk. haha.. I pretty much guess those people reading my blog would know that I don't club and don't like clubbing.
This time I really did club, various reasons.. anger, just being stubborn? and most importantly because my dearest serene was leaving for Aussie and she wanted to club before she leaves :)
We had fun :) just the three of us, Deana Serene and Clarissa ♥

After that I headed over to my best buddy's place :) we had fun chatting and sharing while enjoying our red wine. Just the two of us, it's nice and we haven't done so for a really long time but I realised that we'll do this once in a while. Just to catch up on what we have missed out and probably when something happens :) I definitely wasn't in the best of mood that day. But what made everything turn out great was the companionship I had that day. My two dearest and closest.. Mingyiu and Serene. You know I love you guys the most, cause maybe only two of you knows the best and the most.

Okay wait, not that I don't love my other friends k. I love you all too :)

I went timbre on 4th Feb with Serene, Winston, Weyman and Alvin :)
It was very nice, with good atmosphere, music and people!
It was farewell dinner for serene :( and we took quite a lot of photos that night.
So my darling left on 5th Feb :(( boooooooooooo
I'LL MISS HER! I know she knows and she will miss me too! I promise I'll protect myself and take care of myself. You too k. My hotline is 24/7 available for you ♥

I met KahHwee, Garry and gang on 5th Feb, we went to pick a present for the girl Junwei is interested in :) We help him build a bear! and also choose a cake :) but sadly, I couldn't join them for the party :( Oh ya, Junwei treated us dinner! haha. But it's been a really long time since we last met.

I met them on the following day also, at Jurong Point :) and we caught a movie, BRIDE WARS! I like that movie :)) Okay, so something happened that day...blah blah blah. hehe.. okay I went into the emo state :( then everyone got worried and stuffs.

Anyway, the day ended with Zengyi.
He drove over to Jurong to find me and send me home :)
HE HAS A LOUSY SENSE OF DIRECTION!
JingMing and ZhiLei was also in the car :)
Oh ya, I'm the first girl he drove. hehehe
So, Zengyi came over my place for awhile and we talked about stuffs...

On the 9th of Feb, I went Double O in the night to watch Maven's competition. Double O was closed for that night and only invited guests could entered. So, I'm honored to have an invitation :) haha just kidding.
Anyway, I had fun with Talleah and all, cam-whoring the whole night. I made new friends! And coincidentally, definitely very surprise, I met Edwin and Gin over there :) It's been quite awhile and it's good to know that Edwin is doing fine.

I TOOK A LOT OF PHOTOS. SERIOUSLY, A LOT OF PHOTOS THAT NIGHT

hehe. Thanks Thinesh for your camera ♥♥

And I met Dalton and Lester for the first time yesterday :)
It was quite nice :) and Lester indirectly said that I'm UGLY. Boooooooooooo :((
But I know he's just kidding. Dalton accompanied me all the way to Yew Tew :) Thank you! And Dalton, all the best of your exams!

Okay, so I'm probably meeting my clique of 4 today :)
I haven't meet up with them for a really long time :((
Van is going back aussie very soon :((( hais.

Nevermind. I'm used to it already.

I shall end here today.
bye.
loves ♥♥♥

2009-01-30T21:26:00.004+08:00

I'm nothing, nothing at all to you.
That's why you probably didn't even care you didnt even know why am I upset.
All you said was I'm childish and paranoid.
Be it then.

bye.

2009-01-28T00:32:00.003+08:00

HAPPY 21ST MR TAY ZENGYI!

Always remember your special 21st and I hope what I've done for your 21st had made an impact and it has made you smile, my dear friend. Remember to turn back and take a look at yr dearest friend here. You know I will always be your best friend, the one you can turn to when you feel weary, upset and angry but remember to share your joy with me too k ((:

loves.

2009-01-21T21:47:00.003+08:00

I was out with Elaine on Monday after school. We went down town cause of my beloved iphone which cause a big whoha :p Anyway, I met someone who I never expect to meet.. I saw Wilfrid Wee and his girlfriend. We met them twice, such a coincidence right. Anyway it was quite a bad day for me at first but somehow it ended well so yup. Seeing him on the streets didn't affect me at all, somehow I felt relieved and I was kind of bitchy :p Elaine said that he was fat and ugly. But he did gain weight I guess. It's none of my business anyway :) I'm more concerned about someone else now. hehe my special one. I have something special for you :)) hope he will smile. But still, I don't know am I right to do this for him...

This is what I wanna say or simply just how I feel...

有時候你在身邊有時候你會不見
那天聽你說愛我好多遍
那天你在身邊而昨天你又不見
今天你說討厭我流淚

愛情是很多很多都是一瞬間
愛也是一個偶然就這樣不見
愛其實就是很美的畫面
只是有時候你不在我身邊

寬闊的海邊有一片深邃的畫面
怎麼你還是不出現我還沒改變
一切一切都不在身邊
愛我的那天是什麼讓你有感覺
我們走過了昨天走不過今天
一直一直等待著明天
你會出現

還是不出現多想改變
怎麼你都不在身邊
一直等待著明天

bye.
loves

2009-01-17T13:50:00.002+08:00

Please tell me it's worth it and he's worth it.

I am starting to feel weary about certain stuffs
And I start to question and doubt about some things... Maybe maybe and maybe
I guess this often happens to many.
Do you all ever wonder why this happens..
Probably cause we start to fear, has been shaken or probably just felt lonely, unwanted, I don't know. It has many reasons, it depends on individual. Maybe the harder you to find the answer the further you drift away from it.

bye

2009-01-12T00:15:00.002+08:00

It hurts. I can't deny. But I rather I hurt than seeing that frown on yr face. I rather let you go than clinging on to you knowing that there's no point... Like what people always say, it takes both hands to clap. And when one is tired, there's no point when the other keeps trying, as.. instead the other will just get even more tired as time goes by.

I loved you and I still love you. I hope my love for you didn't go in vain.....
Nevermind.

Just remember I'll always be there for you. And you mean a lot to me. I hope I did put a smile on your face. And I hope you're finally smiling now.

bye.

2009-01-07T20:51:00.002+08:00

I'm in a state of confusion now! :(

2009-01-01T19:05:00.003+08:00

I've been feeling rather depressed and upset recently. Some would have known but some may not realise. But barely any knows the full reason to it, maybe I'm not too sure of the reason too. Don't you think it's weird. Nevermind.

I love my bed cause it's the place I'll run to when I'm crying or emo-ing. I probably recently hang out at there too much. Even at this point of time I'm practically lying my on bed.. tearing as I'm blogging. I've been feeling quite lousy about myself these past few days, really lousy and I don't know how to describe this feeling. sorry

I have been rather sensitive, whiny, "cry-baby", emo..... )): sorry to those who had to put up with me. So sorry.

I've been pretty mean to someone )): but you know I'm not that bad one right. And of course I wanna thank that person who I always say " you better not tell anyone ar... I know you will lo.. nevermind then :(" and "okay you must swear that.. if you tell anyone, you'll not have any girlfriends for life from now onwards"
Oops, I know I'm damn bad )): but I don't mean it kay. I know you'll have plenty of girls...

.
.
.
.

I just need a hug now. I've been trying to smile for too long, while tearing in my heart. That brave front just makes me feel even more sad. I'm really very lost now.

Nevermind. I will be fine in time to come.

And mr tay is flying off tonight :(( 10days.
You know I love you and will miss you. take care baby.

Anyway it's the start of a new year. Happy 2009 to all my dearest.

bye

2008-12-09T10:05:00.003+08:00

I haven't been blogging. Darling pointed this out to me last night.
So much happened and it simply can't be put into words.

Time flies and my 4th month anniversary just past a day ago.
I didn't get to meet darling cause he was too busy and it's too much of a rush for him cause he had to go back camp early :(( what a day. come to think of it, we never ever got to meet or celebrate our anniversary on the day itself.
Saddening don't you think so?
He made it even more saddening by revealing to me that he can't send me off on this Saturday. That means we're not meeting for 2 weeks. I ever said to him that if he can't send me off or meet me before I leave I'll probably cry on the plane which now I know it's going to happen.
I can't help it but tear when he told me, cause I know I will miss him really really miss him a lot. He's going outfield for 5 days and then I'll be off to Japan and he'll have his social night on the 19th which I will not be able to attend as I will only be back on the 20th 00:05 a.m.
What a timing right.

So many obstacles, I really hope darling will not be tempted when I'm away. Hands off my property! ( Capri did you read this?) :p Don't try to seduce him. MR TAY, must be good kay. I'm so freaking naggy! I've been saying this....

I have someone reminding me everyday, to get him something from Japan. Gosh, I know I know I know capri, I will remember. Oops, did I just revealed who's that. Sorry )):

Anyway, I'm freaking sick. This is the 4th day and I'm still vomiting. I thought I stopped already but NOPE. Somehow I only stopped vomiting for about a day then I vomited non-stop, everything I ate yesterday, at 5 plus in the morning today. BOoooooooO what a lousy day. Lousy start of the day, feeling so bloated and horrible now. I still feel like vomiting, but there's nothing for me to vomit anymore! Even water.
Hais, what a day to have presentation :((((( depressing.

Oh ya, my darling girl is finally back in Singapore! Met up with her quite a few times and I definitely enjoyed myself. Really thankful that she's back and Vanessa and Adam are back too!

loves.

2008-11-19T18:30:00.002+08:00

I'm freaking sick :(
I hate eating medicines :((
I miss Mr Tay! :(((

The medicines are very 'strong', make me super unhappy.

I'm on mc for a few days :))

I can't wait for Friday to arrive then I can finally meet you and also watch your parade :))

Next thursday Serene will be back!
omg.

loves.

2008-11-17T11:55:00.005+08:00

Yesterday was a rather busy day.
And in the end, I did talked to baby. I couldn't be as angry as I thought I could.

Okay, I was supposed to meet Carleton at 2pm yesterday. But it somehow didn't work out as planned. haha.. we met at 3pm instead? Met outside AX and walked around taka to search for Maven's present :)
I bought Maven's present at Zara. LOL. I bought him a pink shirt! and a pink boxer! it's so cute. I shared the present with Talleah :))
Anyway, we didn't shop for long.. I bought the stuffs and we headed down to cityhall, Funan centre to get the mouse for Maven. Then, I headed back to Wheelock there to meet my parents for dinner at Hard Rock Cafe :) to celebrate my dad's birthday.
Oh ya, I waited for quite awhile :( then met my parents at Zara first to change and get some stuffs again. Then went over to Hard Rock Cafe to meet my sis and Ben. They all ask where's my zengyi :(( my silly boy was at his grandma's place.
So my sis and Ben got my dad Hilton's cheesecake! :) it's damn nice.

After dinner, I headed down to ECP for Maven's birthday party :)
Quite alot of people were there and my dear Talleah was there too. I made some new friends :) and we took some photos :))) So much alcohol! But I barely drank, so proud of myself, so discipline :) haha :p
I left around 12 plus, darling came to pick me! He was on a cab, then drove over to pick me and headed to my place. I finally got to meet darling! I was super duper happy :)
My silly baby, I love you.

And I was late for school today :( darling accompany me to school, and I felt so sad when I had to leave him. May be cause I haven't seen him for a really long time and he's going back camp tomorrow morning. I can only see him on Friday :(
BooooOOOooooo :'(
I really couldn't bear to let him go. But I doubt he understands.

I'm in school now. Feeling extremely extremely tired.
I barely slept :(( I just can't wait for class to end.
And I met Teresa and Elaine today! I didn't them for a few days already :(( They are very much loved!

And I can declare that I have a lousy buddy!

Anyway, I hope Capri is not angry anymore :((

I have lots on my mind.
I shall just end here.

I miss MR TAY!

loves.

2008-11-16T10:09:00.001+08:00

My heart hurts.

Darling is finally back, I'm supposed to be happy. But I was angry, upset and disappointed. I thought I had the rights to be angry and upset. Cause I really felt so dumb staying up waiting for you regardless of how tired am I, thinking and trusting that you will come no matter how things change. I change and change my plans just to fit into your schedule. I thought I will at least be appreciated. But in the end, I'm just not understanding enough to you. Just that reasonable to you. Just don't understand you.
How about you stand in my point of view, put yourself in my shoes, and understand me first.
And may be I might not be asking much.

Nevermind.

Anyway, Capri I'm sorry. I think I probably understand a little of how you felt. It's retribution?

Okay. It's my dad's birthday today.
So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY! :)
Hope you like your present.

And it's Maven's 21st birthday too!
So, HAPPY SEXY 21ST BIRTHDAY, MAVEN! :)
You've been a really great friend to me. May your days be filled with colors. And I hope you'll like the present I'm getting for you. From Talleah and I :)

I'm going to meet Carleton later to get Maven's present. Gosh, go guess what I'm buying for him! Haha.

I don't know how am I going to fit my dad into my schedule today but no matter what I will. And then head down for Maven's party :) damn far! I'm gonna pray that someone drives and is gonna be sweet to send me home! :p My dearest talleah don't need to worry cause she stays so near there! Unfair :(

I'm not gonna allow myself to emo there :(

I miss Serene. And people.

Bye.
Loves.

2008-11-07T19:48:00.005+08:00

9 more days!

I haven't been blogging, had been rather preoccupied with stuffs like work, school project project projectsss presentation presentation and presentationsss report report and reports! :(( and I fell sick :(
Anyway, I started work again on the 31st Oct and you may think I'm crazy cause when I start working I really mean it, like start working. I worked 3 days in a row. Friday night, which is the halloween night! Saturday mid-shift from 12pm to 8pm then on Sunday 10am to 5.30pm. OMG, I was freaking tired but I had fun working with nice people like Alicia, Joycelynn, Tiffanie, Teresa, Adeline, Pui Yee, Samantha, Tabitha, Guo Wei, Beatrix and more :))

I made 2 new friends who are in my school! :) hehe. I have Teresa and Elaine. They are loved. My two pretty girls.. Teresa is damn sweet I say I want to eat strawberry and she surprised me with yanyan! omg hehe and Elaine is damn cute.

Okay full stop.

Darling has a nice good friend, Capri Goh
See Capri I write something good about you..
Anyway, Capri has been rather nice to entertain me..
But he can be very bad too :((
Okay, all in all, I hope you're feeling better. Cheer up and take care :))

I really miss Zengyi alot :'(

9 more days but these 9 days just seems so long
I feel really very stressed up and tired how I wish and wish that you can be right by my side now, baby.

My mood has been up and down
Probably barely anyone knows about this cause it's usually late in the night.
But I've been strong. And I know darling is out there working hard too.

I hope you're doing well there in Taiwan.
Hmmmm, you're currently outfield.. it lasts for 7 days :( Do take care of yourself!
MISSES.

I guess I'm still pretty lucky to have some good friends by my side.

And before I forget, Shu fen finally recover already! Thank goodness. I miss working with my dear girl.

baby, it's for you:

And I help mr capri goh design his name..
tell me issit nice k.

I think I will just end here.
I have lots of stuffs going on next week.

I have work on Satuarday and Sunday. And I'm working next Thursday at Cathay!

Oh ya, I haven't got the chance to chat with some people. Mummy, you're one of them I hope you're doing well. I never forget about you kay.

And to my lovely friends who are taking their A levels, all the best!

My dearest friends you all are very much loved.
And of course, Dear I love you.

Loves.

2008-10-31T00:44:00.000+08:00

Left about 16 17 more days :( by right it's the 6th day he's away already. I really miss my baby boy alot! :(((((

I'm working tml, but this time I don't need to scoop ice-cream or serve people :) I just need to dress up, wear my costume and mingle in the crowd :) kind of excited but I haven't get my costume! Nevermind.
Meeting my girlfriend tomorrow to get it :)

Anyway, this morning I suddenly felt kind of lost :( like felt really upset without baby around. I didn't know what to do but I know I needed assurance.. I felt really lousy but I'm feeling better now. I've got a new card today that definitely cheered me up. Just hope that I don't over spend it :) I'm gonna practise self-control while dear is away! :)

Tonight, I didn't get to talk to him again :( 2nd night already. I hope I can get to hear from him soon.

Darling, I love you.

bye
loves.

2008-10-28T11:57:00.003+08:00

Darling is currently in TAIWAN! He left on Sunday morning at 4.40am, so it's the 3rd day already :( I miss my silly boy
20 more days to go but it just feels like forever.
Dear will be away on our 3rd month anniversary :((

Anyway, I am not going to eat Japanese food for the next few days! I've been eating Japanese food for 3 days in a row :( it's nice but EEEEEENOUGH :))
Zengyi says that he eats pork for every meal in Taiwan. Gosh, my poor boy, I understand how you feel.
I am gonna bake a nice cake for you when you're back.
I CAN'T WAIT FOR 16TH AND 27TH TO ARRIVE!
MR Tay Zengyi will be back on the 16th! And and and and
Ms Serene Tan will be back on the 27th!!

Vanessa told me she will be back around 20th :) and Adam around 6th dec

Days without baby feels kind of empty. The week before he left was quite nice as I got to meet him and spend more time with him but now it feels so weird without him around. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :( I miss your hugs and kisses, I miss messaging you, I miss hearing your voice, I miss lying next to you, I miss whining to you, most importantly, I really miss you.

DUBBIT is waiting for her precious to come back.

I'm feeling so emo now :(

byee
loves.

2008-10-19T23:54:00.003+08:00

I'm extremely happy to be able to use my laptop.
Anyway I met my baby boy on FRIDAY :)
Then we headed down to Sentosa on SATURDAY :))

The day was really enjoyable.
I got to meet quite a number of his friends.
And baby says that he's proud to go out with me :)))
okay.

MR TAY IS CONFIRM LEAVING ON SUNDAY!:(

I doing my report now.
I shall blog a proper one the next time.

I don't know how am I going to survive without your hugs and kisses, you, hugging me to sleep and you, talking to me :(
I Miss you.

Loves.

2008-10-14T12:36:00.007+08:00

OMG I'm freaking emo now and I'm kind of mad about something.
I don't seems to be able to get anything into my mind now.
It feels as though I'm going to faint soon.
And I really miss my boy. How I wish I wish and I wish that he can be right here with me now.

I guess may be he is one of the only few who can make me feel better.
I know probably serene and ming yiu can do so too but I guess it's different.

I really feel like crying but I'm in school!
Nevermind.

My dear Stephanie is finally here and I believe she will cheer me up too.

My dearest boy, As the day gets nearer I begin to fear. I don't know why but I can't help it but fear, fear of the day that you're going to Taiwan to arrive. I know I will miss you and want to grab hold of you, hoping you're always there but I know it's impossible. In anyway, I want you to remember that, I love you.

2008-10-14T12:36:00.003+08:00

Darling is away, outfield again :((
But lucky it lasts only for 2 days 1 night so, I'll get to talk to him tonight.

Okay I'm having XML&Web Services lab lesson now.
My teacher is rather arrogant, " I am the only Dr. in School of IT"
Gosh!

Anyway, I met Zengyi on Friday night :)
I was baking tart for my silly boy(for our 2nd month) and of course others too.
I was extremely tired, but he was even more tired than me. Outfield for 5 days 4 nights, poor boy. So he fell asleep before I'm even done with my stuffs :((
But I still enjoyed his company :)
So darling ate breakfast over at my place! My tart and I made him a cup of coffee :)and he brought home the chrysanthemum I boiled for him
Mr Tay says that, even though my tart looks ugly but it tastes nice :)) :((
Nevermind. There's room for improvement and it's my first time baking tart so it's still not bad.

I met up with Mr Tay on Saturday in the evening for dinner :)
We met at Clarke Quay and had nice Japanese food at 10.30pm near dbl O.
After dinner we had a drink around boat quay.
Darling drank white wine while I had my strawberry margarita :)
We had a simple but nice day :)
Didn't really celebrate our 2nd month but I guess having him by my side is enough to make me smile.
no kisses :( not even a goodbye kiss. CAUSE THAT SILLY BOY SMOKE :(
Only a stick just for that day, to make him happy and complete his nice day.
Now you owe me a lollipop. I want a nice one from Party at US :)

I didn't get to meet dear on Sunday :( just can't wait for Friday to arrive.
Going SENTOSA on Saturday! with baby, capri and gang. love love love

Okay, so school started already :(
MY TIMETABLE SUCKS. But I can don't come school on Thursday cause is just 3 lectures! From 12 to 7.30pm.
I'm having a long day for today :( 9am to 6pm. I WANT TO COMPLAIN.

Oh ya, I had a pretty nice day yesterday. Darling started it off with a really nice message :)) and it ended with yanzu driving me home.

CLARISSA MISSES HER BOYFRIEND.
HE"S ALWAYS ON HER MIND

bye. loves.

2008-10-10T22:03:00.000+08:00

hahahahaha my babyboy is out from camp! Okay you might think I'm mad but I'm really very happy cause I miss him alot alot alot :(

hehe my tart is still in the process of making? I hope darling will like it and of course those who gets to eat it will like it too? My first time making a tart oh man. So worried it's not nice :((
pls tell me it's nice.

Anyway dinner with my dearest ben and jerry workmates was great :) Aston. I had a hard time trying to finish my food.. it was so much. hehe and I was feeding everyone on the table till I have noone to feed :( but it was really fun. And uncle sam thanks for the dinner! love love love.

And I hope things are going well between mummy and daddy chow! I'm waiting to hear...

Anyway anyway :( school's starting soon. I'm dreading really dreading :( Booooooo

Okay. I miss tay zengyi and I can't wait to see him which is in a few hours time!

loves.

2008-10-09T00:58:00.001+08:00

It's the 2nd night :(

I'm feeling rather emo today, thought through quite a number of stuffs.

I'm fine, nothing much just miss you alot.

loves.

2008-10-09T00:58:00.000+08:00

It's the 2nd night :(

I'm feeling rather emo today, thought through quite a number of stuffs.

I'm fine, nothing much just miss you alot.

loves.

2008-10-07T21:58:00.004+08:00

I'm finally blogging.
Too much happened so I guess some things just can't be expressed in words.

Anyway, baby is away :( tonight is the first night. 5 days 4 nights??
Okay, I'm over at nicky's place playing some ps3 game?
haha it's pretty fun :)
I caught eagle eye today and jonah happens to be there..
It's been a really long time. :))

Oh ya and I caught the sneaky siying and JQ together and gosh they had been together for 4 months and they actually managed to hide from everyone for so long!
But I'm really happy for them and my dear girl I promise to meet up with you all soon.
It's quite a good day today.
Met up with dom, like finally and had our breakfast cum lunch at taka, crystal jade xiao long bao
Then we headed down to LIDO, Darling's favourite place to watch movie :)
Russell and gang me with us, the movie was quite good.

We all stay pretty near one another so headed down to rail mall for dinner.
Okay it's near for all of us except jonah.
Anyway, I took quite a number of photos today :) shall upload some other time. hehehe

I MISS TAYZENGYI, my one and only precious boyfriend :(((
I was like freaking happy when I received his call yesterday. loves

Time passes rather fast, it's gonna be end of break and darling and I is nearly 2 months already.
Just one more day, it's our 2nd month anniversary :)

Darling, I just want you know that I'm really very thankful to have you.
You filled my days with colours, regardless of those little or big quarrels/misunderstandings we have, we managed to overcome it together.
I want to thank you for being understanding to me, for trusting me and of course for loving me.
I love you dear.

And to my dearest germaine, I know you're angry with me or unhappy with me for a certain matter. But I hope that you will talk to me about it cause I don't wish that we actually drift apart cause of some misunderstandings. You know I always love having you as my mummy and a friend. And no matter what you're always so dear to me.

Serene booked a ticket back to singapore already! Oh man, I juyst can't wait for the day to arrive. 27th November! I miss you, Serene. And I can't wait to go overseas with you and and zengyi :))))

goodbye. loves.

2008-09-24T23:45:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry. I can't help it but tear cause I really miss you alot. Even though I'm glad to be able to finally chat with you on the phone but I can't help it but to be sad that you've suffered the past few days yet I can't be by your side to give you a hug. :( how I wish you can be here, by my side now.

Dear, I need you want you miss you and love you!

I can't help it but to feel lousy about myself now :(

2008-09-22T23:53:00.004+08:00

I've been rather preoccupied with stuffs so haven't had the chance to actually blog.
I miss darling :( esp after what happened on saturday :( just hope that it doesn't happen again. And I just love it when we talk things out :) darling is always the sweetest, of course it's after me :p
For the very first time, I was angry with him :((
I think it's an experience. Anyway dear sorry for scolding you k. But it's not my fault.

Okay. darling is like outfield now :'(
I'm feeling extremely tired! Barely slept since monday. I had to go school on tuesday, had a paper at 9 am then had ace stuffs at 12 plus then rush down to my grandparents place to change and then rush to work.
I had night shift :( reached home at bout 1plus.
I'm currently working in my aunt's company.. In the office now, using the comp.
Having break. I can't wait to go home and sleep cause I only had bout 5 hrs of rest??

The office is situated at Alexander, near Villa Bali :) Memories flashed back. I guess I will never forget that particular day, cause it's simply wonderful. Thanks dear, I love you.

I can't wait for friday to arrive. I haven't got to chat with dear yet :(((((
I MISS HIM LIKE SO MUCH ------------------------------------|---------------------------------------
- represents my hands and | is my body

I miss serene too.
Oh ya, so I worked with shu fen and guo wei yesterday, it was quite fun. Took some photos and we had like so many merlionster orders!
I worked for quite sometime already and this is the first time it's like this. Just waffles brownies and merlionster. NONSTOP

And there was this "soldier boy" named eugene, interested in shu fen. It was hilarious, he wrote a note on the tissue leaving his number etc
Oh ya, and I got a book from daphne! It's damn nice :) she's loved.
I was so freaking happy, jumping around..

I miss tay zengyi.
Haven't even receive any msg from him :( so worried.
I hope baby won't throw me alone.

loves.

2008-09-16T11:02:00.002+08:00

I'm currently blogging with my phone.
Something different right.

I'm feeling rather down now. I don't know what's with me but my mood's been up and down the past few days. This feeling is really very horrible. I've just finished crying a moment ago. Even how tired am I, I could barely sleep last night and don't ask me why cause I don't even know the answer. And can you imagine after going through a horrible night, you wake up feeling bullied by your maid. I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling now but I know my day is ruin.

I really miss darling :( how I wish I can hide in your bag too then maybe I could have slept better cause at least I have your company.

Anyway, I'm really glad to have known you and also have you now. For this, I've got to thank serene and capri :)
Baby you know, you mean the world to me too. Having the feeling of losing you is really very horrible, I was lost, somehow just lose my sense of direction. I didn't know what to do but just wait for your reply. I wasn't sure and couldn't be sure cause I can't deny that I was feeling insecure. I wasn't sure of your heart, cause it's really sudden and surprising and it felt as though it can be taken away anytime.

But now I can probably say that you're mine. My precious darling. And I'm definitely proud of you.

loves.

2008-09-14T16:14:00.002+08:00

I don't know what words can I use to describe how I feel about yesterday and this morning..
Within that short span of hours, I went through a series of feelings.
Or probably we went through it together.
There were times when I'm sad, disappointed, jealous, happy, touched, shocked/ surprised, .....

But what I've gone through is definitely momorable.

If you hadn't come over, I guess all these will never happen and we would probably miss out a lot in one another's lives... So I'm very thankful for the day.
You know I really believe in this now... sometimes love comes when you least expects it..
I was overjoyed when I heard it, I was really touched and I teared.
Cause I didn't know what words can express how I felt. I'm just probably really very thankful to have you and I'm glad I waited and drop the expectation of you saying that cause I think the impact was stronger..
I wish and I hope for but I don't expect so you really surprised me.

Somehow I really wish you mean it.
I'm kind of unsure but I don't know why..
But if you want to take it back I won't stop you cause I really want you to say it only when you really mean it.

And mr tay I want to tell you that I really want you and I really need you more than you can imagine.

But I'm sorry dear for not being perfect.

I read my friend's blog yesterday and I came to know of stuffs and somehow I felt that too.

There was a time, when I was upset over my failures at the game of love, and people would tell me to let go, because love will eventually find a way to reach you when you least expect it.

But I was very stubborn, and I always held on for longer than I should have.

And when I least expected it, the sweetest love hit me. Considering the circumstances of how we met and all, I would have never thought of this ever happening. I never knew that I could be so happy today.

And definitely I am really very grateful.

Thanks dear.

The dinner was great with your company,
The walk was wonderful with all the talks and understanding,
The fireworks were beautiful and surprising,
The desserts were extremely sweet in addition with the sweetness you surround me with.
The photos are definitely precious with all our memories,
The night was indeed fabulous.

I love you dear.

2008-09-13T09:38:00.003+08:00

It's been a really busy week for me.
Working and working barely enough time to rest.
Perhaps Monday was the only day I really got a good rest.

Monday was 080908! It was my 1 MONTH anniversary with my baby boy :))
Don't you find time flies..... I really enjoyed my 1 month and I really really hope things will stay as sweet as ever. Even though you're in camp and we didn't get to spend time together but I'm really alright. With your assurance I'm fine and I understand. To admit, I was a little disappointed but I guess it's natural cause it just shows that I care about you and this special day.

Anyway, I stayed home and watch GOSSIP GIRL! It's nice, I like it :))
It can be corny, cheesy and horny but I guess all these adds up to be sweetness and nice.

I like Serena Van De Woodsen and I think Chase Crawford (Nate) is gorgeous!

Okay fullstop to all of that.

I had work on TUESDAY WEDNESDAY FRIDAY

Tuesday morning shift with Tiffanie!
It was really fun and I ended around 6? 6 plus?

Wednesday night shift with Serene and Tabitha!
That night was crazy, tiring but definitely fun.
I reached home at about 1am? We took some photos after work :)
And the band was quite nice.

Friday mid shift.. Morning shift with Meiqi! Night shift with Kat, Guo Wei, Sam and Tiffanie :)
I replaced Sherlyn who was supposed to work.
The company was great, Meiqi and Alicia. I'm definitely thankful for that but it was quite a slow day, probably cause I wasn't feeling well.
The night shift peple came and Meiqi left, I got know Kat who was Ivan and Joyce's batch. She's like some small girl really petite but she's already 20! Okay so never judge a book by it's cover. Kat's a really nice girl and I took photos with people :) and of people. hehe. People will usually say smile at the candid camera or perhaps for your candid shot but I'll say smile at me and my sony T20 :))))
haha and my dearest working crew all your unglam photos are with me!!!

Oh ya, Kat's from Suntec branch so she knows Serene. And told me that the Suntec branch is gonna close down soon.

Okay okay.

I got to chat with MR TAY on MONDAY and FRIDAY :)
So little days :( but I understand he had to walk his 32km through the night on tues and wed he was already extremely tired and I was working so he couldn't chat with me :((
I got to meet him on Thursday!!!! And yes, I was definitely happy, freaking happy, even though I may not show it but I was really happy. How I wish I could just knock you out and hide you in my room, don't let you go back to camp :(

I really miss you :'( I love chatting with you cause only chatting when I get to talk to you then I'll know how are you doing in camp and when you're sad I try my best to cheer you up. Like I always say, please take care of yourself.

Oh ya, I left out Thursday.
HEHE I finally got to shop after like so longgggg!
I went out with Capri and omg la he was late! Of course I complained to my baby boy. heheheh :p
I was looking out for something too and needed Capri's help so basically we were helping one another.
I have always enjoy dressing someone up and this time I got to dress Capri up!
I hope Capri likes the clothes and I feel damn guilty that he spent so much :( cause my baby boy and Capri was talking about that the whole night :'(
I really can't wait to dress my baby boy up. That's the one which I want most not anybody else but my MR TAY ZENGYI. It's different.....

So, Capri and I headed down to Woodlands at about 6 to meet baby for dinner :) and to spend time together. We ate at Pizza Hut and Capri left soon after that. And my dearest Mr Tay flirted with a cashier working at the Cold Storage like right in front of meeeee... omg right. haha okay he didn't he was just saying some stuffs.....
Anyway, I was really happy to be able to meet you.

My dear boy and I was talking about some stuffs last night...
And I just want you to know that you don't need to be jealous of anyone and I won't be seduced by anyone else cause I love my boyfriend. And of course my only boyfriend is Tay Zengyi. And I hope you won't be seduced by anyone else... you told me before that you have a low resistance, if a girl tries to seduce you :(( damn depressed.

Even so, I can't wait to meet you later and celebrate our belated 1 month :))
I miss you.

bye.

ps. on diet on diet :(

2008-09-06T09:56:00.007+08:00

As all of you can see..
I'm a lazy blogger :( :( :(

I shall just type my whole week here and then post as a whole :))
And yes I was supposed to put up my schedule for the week.. but i didn't :(

SUNDAY
I met up with Mr Tay! in the afternoon.......just for a little while.
But I guess that's just enough to make me smile. That simple afternoon was really wonderful, I enjoyed myself, simply cause it's good enough to have him by my side.
SWEETNESS.

CITYHALL -- BOAT QUAY (supposed to be Fullerton's Starbucks) -- THE CENTRAL -- STARBUCKS! MY GREEN TEA LATTE :) -- SOME CAFE -- FUNAN IT MALL -- ROM/RMM? around there to see -- FIRST BOTANIC GARDEN -- FORT CANNING PARK -- THE LEGENDS !

The Legends would really be a very special place for us, like baby has said...

Oh ya, we took a really long time to decide and plan where we want to go for that afternoon but in the end it didn't go as we planned :(
In any way, I think that's not really important, enjoying and cherishing every moment spent together is the most important :) at least for me

Okay so he had to go back camp that night.

MONDAY
5 days to go...

I went out with my mum, brother, aunt, cousin and grandma :)
Went to eat some jap food then headed down to Selegie cause my grandma needs to go for some injection.
I took quite awhile to think where do I want to go cut my hair.
As my cousin was gonna cut her hair at international plaza and she asked whether I want to join her, but i decided not to take the risk AND not to be a light bulb :)
Okay, anyway, I did cut my hair, but this time with a different hairdresser, my mum brought me there and coincidentally, she's a good friend of mine hairdresser!
Oh ya, I trimmed my eye brows too :)
Quite a fruitful day.
Rather satisfied :)))

I managed to chat with dear rather early! I was freaking happy and I really hope this is a better week for him.
I want to be darling's happy pill!
And I don't wanna be dubbit :( hmp

I MISS MY MR TAY.

TUESDAY
4 days to go...

Okay I had work, morning shift and I was late!
hehe and Ivan came for work :)
Shifu saved my life cause Sherlyn left early.

for info, Ivan = shifu

Anyway, I ended work around 6 plus.
Night shift only had Tiff alone, lucky uncle sam, eddie and tiong came.
Ivan stayed for awhile to help too.
So, I said wrong stuffs to uncle tiong when he was sending me to the bus stop :( and end up he ask me to work at Sentosa's branch since I'm having holidays and I claimed that Dempsey's shifts are all full that's why I'm working on so little days.
GONE.

I met up with Ming and Siangkoon at Plaza Sing after work.
And both of them are using the iphone! :'( random.
Anyway, we went over to starbucks, sat for a moment then decided to go down to siangkoon's house to drink first. Took a cab down and it's damn expensive, 28 bucks, even though I don't need to pay but I feel so cheated for him. We had talks on the way and while drinking :) I got to hear alot of stories and etc. haha. freaking funny. So Ming leaked out Siangkoon's story and Siangkoon leaked out Ming's to me and many others.
So we had 2 bottles of red wine? We drank by the pool :)

Then we headed down to Serangoon, met up with quite a number of people and continue drinking.. I think I'll die continue drinking with them.
I managed to get jie huan and Ming out with me to 7 eleven then I cabbed home.
I didn't get drunk! :)
So happy with myself and cause I promised dear to be responsible for myself and yes, getting drunk is against my principles.

Okay, but my stomach was hurting cause I drank with empty stomach :(

All in all, I enjoyed myself

I didn't managed to talk to dear in the night :(
Really very disappointed and upset cause I really miss him.
Just can't wait for Saturday to arrive.

WEDNESDAY
3 days to go..

I stayed home and slack.
I forgot about my laptop appointment.
And I regret drinking the night before.
Or at least not that amount with an empty stomach.

Stomach hurts :(

Anyway, I managed to chat with dear!
You know chatting with him in the night is always the best thing of the day :)
I shared with him stuffssss and he shared with me stuff :(

I hope you'll take care of yourself in there.
I don't wan you to fall sick especially when I'm not by yr side.
My silly baby.

misses.

THURSDAY
2 days to go...

I had work. Opening myself with mama jan :(
Really very tiring.
2 new scoopies came to have some training.
Ivan came down to teach them.

Mummy came down to pick me.
She had Belgium waffles with ice-cream and a latte over at my place.

Then we headed down to her office to settle some stuffs while I was grabbing a bite with my brother :)
haha and my brother actually says that he wants to go on diet!
I got to know that my brother's friend actually say him fat, he got really pissed off. And he told that guy at least I am fat with brains unlike you who's skinny without brain.
Quite bad but quite cool. :p

Anyway, I got to chat with darling :)
But I'm sad to know that he's unhappy.
you know when he's mood is low mine will also be...
darling darling.. please smile for me cause your smile matters to me the most.

And I'm really sorry to feel insecure.
I can't help it.
I guess it will really take time to get rid of this.
Don't worry I'll be fine and I do trust you.
But sometimes you're so nice that will make me wonder will someone take you away..
or will you leave me for someone better prettier :(
I don't wan other girls to seduce you :(
HMP!
BOOOOOOO :((((((((

come give me a hug.

loves.

FRIDAY
1 day to go!

I MISS MR TAY ZENGYI!

I had work.
Opening with a new scoopy
Had to teach her stuffs guide her while doing stuffs.
OMG. I was so stressed until I felt like crying.
She's teachable but just really a lot of work and very stressful.
I cannot do anything wrong etc.
I worked for like 10 hours.
Cause night shift not a lot of people and have another new scoopy.
Samantha was coming late also, so mama jan and uncle sam asked me to stay and help out. At least guide the new scoopy. And finally I got to know Tabby( Tabitha) :)
She's damn fun to work with and I'm working with her on next Wednesday!
Anyway, I'm extremely extremely tired.
10 to 4.30 without any break and then continue from 5 till 8 plus.
Lucky daddy came to pick me :)
Otherwise I would have probably just faint while on my way home. I mean seriously.

I didn't get to make my cheesecake :'(
And I didn't get to talk to dear :'( :'(
He was back at camp damn late :(
My poor baby boy.
I MISS YOU.

My mood was damn low.
Really very tired.

I just can't wait to meet you and talk to you.
Fast forward time please but don't take away my sleeping time :'(

Mr Tay's message woke me up this morning :(
I'm super tired but it will still take time for me to fall back to sleep :(
Then mummy woke me up to do admin stuffs for her!
Damn angry.
AND TIRED!

But still I can't wait to meet him.

bye.
misses.
loves.

2008-08-30T22:30:00.001+08:00

Ming says that I'm ungrateful.
Cause I just scolded him an asshole :)

But I was just stating a fact.
YIUMINGYIU you are damn freaking greedy.

I shan't scold you or say you cause I know it's no point.
My dearest best buddy we'll see what happens k.
I have no time to bother about you for now.

And I think your girlfriends will love me to bits cause I have this ability to make you stop gaming.

Anyway, separate case, you're always my best bud.
Thanks.

So, I managed to have some small talks with quite a number of my good friends.
I guess there's really lots to catch up on.
I definitely miss my secondary school days.

Okay, Clarissa is a happy girl for now with things back to normal :)
I miss you.

2008-08-30T15:01:00.004+08:00

I don't know what can I say.

I only know that I'm really very sorry.
Trust is very very important to me too. But I guess feelings matter to me even more.
All I wish and hope for is for another chance, please trust me.
I just don't wish and don't want to lose you.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

2008-08-29T23:34:00.005+08:00

I shall just blog about today first, before anything else.
I am really very very disappointed in myself today.
It's a really lousy day for me.
Everything don't seems to go well for me today. A really horrible day for me.

I barely slept the night before, at the chalet. But I've no choice. I rushed home early in the morning, changed etc and headed down to school. Today had AGM and sad to say I'm not one of the excos. I never expected to be in the excos too, for various reasons. I don't absolutely fancy the positions, as I understand and know that it's too political. But somehow I don't feel that good to actually know that a certain person got a position and yet I didn't.

I'm confused. Cause I know I kind of want to get in but somehow don't feel like getting in cause of various reasons. I shall just list some of them. want: It's like a recognition for all the achievements and contributions, It's fun and interesting with my friends... Don't want: It's very political, I want to concentrate on my studies, It's very time consuming and I would want to have more free time for myself, my friends, and of course my boyfriend...

In any way, I just wanna congratulate those who got in and I hope they will do well and live up to the standard of SIT club.

Okay, so I met Zengyi after that, things were alright at first. Even though I was rather moody but I'm glad that he was there. We managed to spend sometime alone together then meet up with his friends.
We headed down to marina square for dinner and yea this was when it happened.
Somehow, I'm really very disappointed in myself. I don't understand how can let such a thing happen. I shouldn't have been so lazy and should have bothered more to actually throw it away long time ago. I should have been more considerate and thought how would you have felt. I'm sorry dear.

I really feel that I'm a lousy girlfriend.

This is the first time that you're like this to me.
I've never seen you being so upset about me before.
Actually, I don't know whether you're upset, angry, jealous or what... Cause I really can't figure out and you're not telling me directly.
I think I'm really very stupid. :(
You know you really scare me, I'm really frightened and shocked by yr reaction.
Frightened till I can't help but cry.
I'm frightened cause you're not talking to me, I don't know what are you thinking and how are you feeling. And most importantly, I don't want to lose you.
I am shocked cause I never thought that you would be angry until like this. But somehow I sat down and thought through and I kind of feel a bit glad. Cause actually through this, I got to know you actually do care a lot about me. This is the first time I can see and feel that I matter to you. I don't know how to describe. Even though you do show concern, you do say you miss me, you do tell me stuffs like I mean something to you but these are just words so I can't really know how you feel. It's just different, cause you actually mean alot alot to me, far more than you can imagine. But all along I can't help but think that I'm the only one feeling that way, cause you always have no reaction towards some things that I do and say.
For example... You know I put my status as in a relationship with serene, it is a bit cause for the fun out of it but my main purpose was to see your reaction. But sad to say, I never get any. I actually hoped that you will say something like why I put serene in a relationship with me and how about you.. I hoped that you will say you want me to put in a relationship with you. Or maybe write at serene's or mine wall, saying that I'm yours.
Do I expect alot?
I don't know. You know I do wanna put in a relationship with you cause it means alot to me but I don't know whether you want anot and will you like it anot.
Even though you did put our photos up and I'm happy about that but it's still different.

Anyway, I wanna tell you that those neoprints really don't mean anything anymore. It never meant anything at all since the day you stepped into my life, the day you entered my life. Cause you mean so much more to me, you mean the world to me.
Those neoprints belongs to my past and he and it can only remain in the past, nothing more than that. However, you're different, you're my present and I definitely hope my future too. I really don't wish that my past is affecting us, cause I really don't want to lose you.
I really really like you more than you think of. Although the time we get together isn't very long but somehow you're really very special to me. You're definitely irreplaceable to me. May be I guess you wouldn't and can't believe what I've just said, but I really do mean what I've said.

I just can't sleep, even though I'm feeling really tired. I really miss you. You know when you ask me to go home, I felt really sad and I really want to stay but I don't know what to say. It's like a knife stabbed into my heart, it felt as though you didn't want me anymore. I don't want you to feel that I'm very clingy to you, like a burden to you so I thought may be I should give you some time alone, cause may be you will need it.
I started tearing as I walked away and somehow hoped that you will come grab hold of me. I felt really miserable and upset with myself. I didn't feel like going home at all. I wanted to go out but don't know why, happens that all the people I called didn't pick up the phone. At that point of time I was very selective in terms of who I call so yupp.
I hang around esplanade for a little while then left for home. You know I've said it before that at this time and situation, you can't leave me alone.....

I really do want to meet you today but I won't force you. I really want to talk to you but I'll wait till you want to talk to me.

Baby I really need you and I hope you need me as much too.

I'm sorry.

2008-08-28T12:57:00.002+08:00

I haven't blogged for a few days already.
Feeling quite emo. rather emo :(
thought through quite a few stuffs.
And I guess it's time to clear up some things.

Anyway I can say exams kind of ended already.
finally.

I shall just briefly talk about the past few days.
I got to meet zengyi on Sunday :)
We met up quite late, later than the original time as he was busy.
I was supposed to study but I guess our original plan FAILED, as I've expected.
But I'm glad to be able to spend time with him. And I got to see esplanade's library!
Oh ya, he looked fine with his super short hair. I thought it's cute, with an army boy look. haha
Even though the time we could spend together isn't very long but I'm really really extremely happy to be able to meet him. I don't know how to describe how much I miss him. Dear sent me to cck, ate our dinner, I bought some stuffs and we headed separate ways. And before he left for camp, he passed me a CD and something else :)
You know I'm surprised that you've thought of that, somehow it felt as though you've read my mind and I was really happy. You're the first one who made me want to do this, I don't know why but these photos means a lot to me. These are the memories which I will hold closely to me heart.
And yes. Sorry dear for causing you to be late(nearly late). :((
I managed to talk to him in the night.

I had DBMS on Monday.
I guess it was alright. Lucky the paper was in the afternoon.
I didn't managed to talk to him for long but it was good enough to be able to hear his voice.

I fell sick on Tuesday :((
Dear was sick too.
Didn't managed to take my paper but I'll be taking it some other day.
I got to chat with Serene online :) And Capri too. Quite fun and interesting.
Zengyi talked to me in the night but don't know why, somehow I became very moody :(
Sorry dear. It's definitely not cause of Capri joining our conversation, cause I'm absolutely fine with that and I understand.
I also don't know why was I so moody.
I miss you. And really glad to receive your message telling me and assuring me stuffs.
Anyway, I got chat with Sherman online... I could understand how stressed he was, he's having his prelims, I guess I'm equally stressed up. And don't know how to relieve it. :( Chatting with dear in the night is the only thing that could make me feel better I guess.
And Sherman, we'll definitely meet up someday, soon. Lots to catch up on :)

Yesterday was supposed to be the last paper. And my class have a chalet but lucky I got to know beforehand that only the guys were gonna stay over for the night. I had lots of plans for the night.. I felt like going out to drink so I gave ming a call and of course he would agree to meet me and drink but... wonder did ask me if wanna go zouk but I didn't feel like going instead just wanted to have some drinks. We were like planning stuffs, end up agreed to meet today for gym, she will drive over and pick me but end up plan failed. Okay anyway, I didn't go anywhere last night, didn't go out and drink or what so ever, cause I was still sick and cause I promised to take care of myself and not to get drunk when he's in camp. If I were to go out and drink last night, I have a very strong feeling that I'll get drunk for the first time in my life, like really drunk cause of the people who I would have been drinking with and also my mood.
I don't want to add on to his worries, I know he's busy enough.
I was extremely tired ytd, end up I didn't get to talk to him. really very very disappointed and upset. It's all my fault :( I really miss him until wanna cry already :'(
I'm rather worried and concern about him, cause he's sick and his day didn't seems to be a good one too.

I'm a lousy girlfriend :((

oh ya, dom drove over to my place and sent me to school ytd. Really got to thank him. Thanks my best friend!

Okay, I've got to go for my class chalet today.
Rather tired and busy. Friday is a full day of activity for me and I'll get to meet him!
I'm talking to ming now and he just told me some stuffs.... Somehow ming has a girlfriend :)
Anyway, I guess my best buddy could tell I'm troubled.
I'm gonna meet him before going for chalet, maybe for some coffee or a game of pool to make me feel better. Otherwise, I'm gonna breakdown soon.
Ending here. I am super late!

bye.

2008-08-23T22:31:00.003+08:00

6th day.

Okay, he was in camp earlier, he just booked out at about 8.30pm?
I'm really really really very HAPPY. Cause I can talk to him later and he's out, not suffering in there :)
Somehow I have the urge of cooking for him just now, I don't know why but I felt like cooking something nice for him to eat, partly cause my poor boy has been in camp.

Yes, Today is simply boring, nothing much, just waiting for his call. I guess he's very tired, so can't talk to him for long too :( nevermind. I'll try to understand. I've written something in my diary but I shan't say here. So, I miss him.

byeeee.
loves.

2008-08-22T17:43:00.005+08:00

5th day.

FINANCE SUCKS!
******************************************
I'm not a person who will say vulgarities, but this paper has this ___ ability to me make say...
Anyway, I did cry as I felt so bad after that.
And I really really miss my Mr Tay Zengyi :(

Okay, I just can't help but ponder or this matter :'(

3 more papers to go.
I just can't wait to meet him.
And I met dom this morning, he finished his papers already!
UNFAIR :( somemore show off to me.
Oh ya, you know he met me like damn early! 4.30 am?
He was having fun while I'm mugging... see, my best friend. Deserves to be dumped into the bin.

Anyway anyway..
I'm sick, down with flu and cough. My nose was gonna drop off already.........
Baby is sick too :( see, he never take care of himself. DISAPPOINTED.
Okay, I'm more worried instead. My poor boy :(
I told him, how can he fall sick when I didn't him the permission to...
And he said the same thing back :( Booooo
But I like it when he said may be it's telepathy, cause we fell sick at the same time.

I'm feeling really tired.
I barely slept
I don't know what to say, just hope that I can get to talk to him tonight cause I really really wanna hear his voice.
And I guess probably only he can cheer me up already.
Not that others can't, it's different I guess...

misses.

2008-08-21T17:42:00.003+08:00

4th day.

I shall cut short and sweet.

I managed to chat with serene today. And I got to know some stuffs. Firstly, I'm really very happy for my dear girl. And really very happy to know you're probably coming back during December.
Our double dates :)) Oh ya and Capri complained to serene that Zengyi and me is very disgusting, pda. LOL. But serene say that ignore him and she thinks pda is hot!
Don't know what's pda? come ask me then.
Oh ya, she also told me about the day she left, she and her mom was the last passenger to board he plane. haha and the crews all know their name! Her mom was nagging at her throughout the whole journey. Poor girl :(

I miss her.
But sorry to say I miss Mr Tay even more :((
Different type of misses.

Clarissa can't wait for december to arrive! Serene back and Zengyi out. hehe best of both world. And definitely the reunion of the clique of 4! :) I'll be a Happy girl then. Even though I have school :((((

bye.

2008-08-20T20:38:00.004+08:00

Okay, it's the 3rd day already..
I just can't wait to see him and his super super short hair. :p

I shall just briefly talk about last Saturday first.
So, I woke up rather early and went to school for the interview.
It's quite scary, with a bunch of seniors sitting in front of you asking you QUESTIONS, never ending questions.
Regardless of the result, it was a great experience.
There were quite a number of people who turned up for the interview. But quite a number who didn't turn up too.

After which, I met up with Zengyi at Kallang MRT, Okay I was late, due to the drag in timing etc, anyway, I'm sorry dear. :(
I felt kind of bad to know that his friends were all waiting for us to arrive to start ICE-SKATING!
It was rather fun even though I didn't know how to skate.
I was freaking scare :( cause I fell a few times but I'm lucky to have dear with me.
You know I haven't ice- skate for a really long time. The last time my class had one, I missed it. Oh ya, I don't know why but it seems that I always have class gathering doing things like ice-skating, but somehow I cant make it for it, end up joining them after that. I remember the last time I ice-skated was years ago with 3A(sec 3)?

Okay we took quite alot of photos.
And I'll upload them some other day :)
I enjoyed myself for the fact that dear have nice friends and definitely because I have the company of him.

Zengyi and me then headed down to zouk to watch NTU's pageant. My naggy cousin.....
Okay, not my cousin who was involved in it. It's his girlfriend and I know that he never like the fact that she joined the pageant and I'm super sure he nagged at her thousand of times.
Do you know the girls arent pretty at all. Sorry but I just felt that way and I think there are much prettier ones studying in NTU, as there were like so many prettier girls present at zouk compared to those in the pageant. The guys were slightly better but no where good too. By the way, I was right, the slutty one won. haha and I doubt the guys that I felt were the better ones won cause if I'm not wrong the guy who won was the partner of the slutty one. I can't deny, I thought the slutty one was the better looking one.
Okay, there's no harm in saying that right :( you guys better not say out what I'm blogging. I don't wanna have retribution :( KARMA :((( cannot.

Oh ya, we ate at the prata stall near zouk before the pageant started and it's rather ex. Erm but I guess there's no other stalls near there already? Okay people, so quickly go open a food stall near there and I believe you will sure earn money :p I'm not evil. I'm being nice to tell people how to earn money. You know a good location is very critical to the success of a shop too....... :))

We left zouk quite early, it was quite boring :(
then we headed to town to join back his friends, for dinner. And my nice baby followed me to get my belt at far east :)
Dinner was alright, and I got to know stuffs like zengyi is very lousy at telling jokes? lol.
After which, he sent me home.
I love it when he sends me home, but I kind of don't expect him to do so everytime cause I understand that he stays very far away but somehow I wish it could be more often. :) I guess last time I used to be quite demanding about this particular issue, but somehow to him I can't bear to even though I feel like.

It was the last time I met him :(
Anyway, I had a good conversation with him that night. Even though I was having a slight fever, it never stopped me from talking to him, instead my energy was there as some issues arise and I'm really really glad we talked it out. It was rather saddening though, it felt as though you don't want me anymore :'( I felt like crying but I didn't maybe just teared a little, cause we talked it out in time I guess.

That's pretty much all about saturday.

Back to today.
I've written my diary already.

Okay so today had IP net paper, the 1st paper. It was alright, just hope the teacher doesn't faint while marking my paper.
And I'm really happy to receive msges from dear this morning. He somehow boosted my confidence.. I actually really had no confidence in the paper but he said this to me: " regardless of circumstances being against you, I know and hope you'll perform like you always do".
That made me thought that giving off my best is the most important. With the time I was left with, I called Maven to meet up with me to study in school. I really have to thank Maven, as the 1 hr and 30 mins was really very useful.

4 more papers to go. next- Finance :(

I talked to carina this afternoon, and her prelims will be ending next week too!
Shall share some parts of our convo. I told her I'll be finishing on wed and she was like " OMG, are you serious, Wait, I think mine too!" Okay but false alarm. It's on Thursday, still I'm excited to meet her. My gossip, bitching, shopping partner!

Anyway, I managed to talk to dear. :) It's really sweet of him to think of sending me the lyrics of those songs every night. But I wonder do he mean and feel that way too like those lyrics......
And I can't help but wonder has he done this for her too.
BOooooo

I shall end here. BYE

2008-08-19T22:47:00.004+08:00

Okay I just feel like blogging even though I have already written in my diary today.
I'm supposed to be studying but I'm not.
I kind of do not have confidence in tml's IP net exam.
But I'll be strong.
Even though I did not managed to talk to you on the phone tonight but I'm glad to at least receive a sms from you.
Though it's a short one, but it's sweet.
And for you, I will try my hardest to pull through the week. In hope to meet you by the end of it.
Cause dear I really miss you alot :((

You make me want to stand strong for you. I will not cry even how stressed up I am feeling now cause I know you don't like me to cry.

You know I just happen to come across ethel's blog a moment ago.
Gosh, I kind of find it unbelieveable... 42 months plus and they are still standing strong together.
I remember people saying that they wouldn't last long but I guess they really proved them wrong.
Whether I'm one of them anot, I have no comments.
But I just recalled back those times, what people say about her, flirt bitch etc, the truth is I wouldn't really say that cause I guess I have no rights to. ( You wouldn't know what I've said too cause I forget what I've thought and I doubt I've told anyone)
But it really surprised me, for her and Alson to last so long.
So many couples broke up and found new ones within this time however they managed to overcome their barriers and ignore what others said. I guess it's really wonderful.
Be it I'm close to her anot or whether I like her anot, it doesn't matter. ( In fact I'm never really close to her and I guess I didn't really want to. And whether I like her anot, my beloved friends who were close to me during sec would know)
Now I sincerely hope they will last long and prove those who didn't thought good of them wrong.
I kind of envy.... BUT I know I shouldn't.
Cause I know it will happen to me too :))

There was this part in her blog, whereby someone told her this:
"If you can't make everybody like you, believe that they do."

And she said that she does that. But I believe not many can do that though. Okay, I know she can do that, truth is she's thick-skinned enough to do so. But somehow I doubt I can, I know I cant, even how ignorant I can be, the level of ignorance is still to a certain extend for me.

Anyway, I'm not that strong but because I know you're there so I'll try my best to be strong and when I'm tired I know you'll be there somehow, to grab hold of me and not let me fall totally. Thanks dear.

Of course I know my dearest friends are there to lend me a helping hand too, to be my backing when I needed one. So i truly feel glad to have you guys. I believe you all will know who I'm referring to, definitely the ones who are reading this.

I need to go back to studying. So I shall end here. Just a little thought for the day.

Oh ya, today is ming's 20th birthday.
I just had an interesting convo with him on msn.
So this year, I forget to wish him earlier cause I was busy with other stuffs but still I didn't forget.

♥ c l a r i s s a. says:
oi
♥ c l a r i s s a. says:
MR yiu ming yiu.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
♥ c l a r i s s a. says:
hope it's not too late
`Ming Yiu says:
too late?
`Ming Yiu says:
about what what?
♥ c l a r i s s a. says:
and yes, I called you today but you were aslp
`Ming Yiu says:
lol
♥ c l a r i s s a. says:
wishing you happy birthday lo
c l a r i s s a. says:
I never forget okay
`Ming Yiu says:
wait
`Ming Yiu says:
today is 19th?
♥ c l a r i s s a. says:
yes
♥ c l a r i s s a. says:
10 days after natinal day?
♥ c l a r i s s a. says:
national*
♥ c l a r i s s a. says:
am I wrong?
`Ming Yiu says:
o
`Ming Yiu says:
lol, is my birthday today
♥ c l a r i s s a. says:
huh
`Ming Yiu says:
nevermind, thanks
♥ c l a r i s s a. says:
so issit yr birthday today?
`Ming Yiu says:
yea
♥ c l a r i s s a. says:
no one wish you meh
`Ming Yiu says:
you the 1st lol
♥ c l a r i s s a. says:
gosh

Okay he's definitely blur and yes he's having exams too, So I wronged you for something. :p
Anyway, even though you're very blur, you're always my best buddy, it never changed, and will never be it 2 years 8 years 10 years or what so ever from now, our friendship will last forever. 8 years has gone by and still counting...

MY DEAREST BUDDY, HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY!
loves.

2nd day. 4 more days.

2008-08-17T23:56:00.002+08:00

My dear boy will be going into SISPEC tomorrow :((
But I will be strong.
I know I will miss him but he says that... "let's not be sad, afterall they say, absence makes the heart grows fonder!"
I hope it's true then :)
And I know that I won't stray away during this period of time cause you're irreplaceable. Even though the time we spent together isn't very long but these memories are definitely priceless and I believe it is enough for us to stand firm and close to one another. At least I know it is good enough for me.
I hope to be able to contact you often even when you're in there cause at least I know you're well and I'm not forgotten.

Okay, I guess I kind of disappoint my dear boy with something today.
But I really wish that you don't get angry cause I won't know what to do if you are...
I can only be truthful to you cause I don't see a point in lying.
But remember this.
You do mean alot to me, more than what you think.
I do feel alot for you, even though I don't express as it seems.
And I hope you see that no one can take this place of yours.
I have lots more to say but just don't know how to say it.

Anyway, yesterday was really nice even though my mood wasn't really good and I wasn't feel that well.
But seeing my dear boy did cheer me up alot.
And bringing me out with your friends means alot to me too.
Even though I cant ice-skate for nuts but your company definitely made me enjoy myself and seeing you so happy makes me smile.
I'm very thankful for the conversation in the night. Even though I was kind of upset but I'm glad we said it all out cause the misunderstandings we had has been cleared.
You have impressed me enough and things like those will never change the impression I have of you. In my eyes, you are definitely shining brightly, bright enough, so don't make me go blind k.

Okay I will blog more about yesterday in the next post :)

2008-08-14T23:21:00.005+08:00

MONDAY.
I left my hse quite late. My baby boy came to pick me, wanting to send me to the chalet, really sweet of him and I truly appreciate it.
But I kind of upset him at the beginning. And I'm really sorry dear :((
So we headed down to town cause of Tidus but it was kind of a wasted trip for him. Lucky, something else made it worth it. Introducing me to him made me rather happy, I guess it meant something to me.
And I hope you did enjoy yrself with the time spent with him alone
I hurriedly cabbed down to aranda country club after that as I was already very late.
hmmm. upon arriving I found that it's quite weird that the senior excos and us, the juniors are like separated into 2 groups, having our own talks and pits.
And within ourselves it was definitely very "groupies".. each in their own cliques, doing different things.
I cannot deny I was with michael they all most of the time also. yup..
Anyway, had some funny moments, like the guys ended up locking the doors of one of the room while playing and had to call for the housekeeper for rescue in order to enter the room again.
Having someone popping out of the cabinet all of a sudden is indeed scary..
I got to play a little pool at the Ehub! but barely enough to satisfy me :(
Then I headed back to the chalet, grabbed my stuffs and left to meet my dear.
I definitely have to thank cui hui and matt for the company to the bus stop.
And apologise to Michael benito and gang for disappointing.

Okay. So my beloved and I ate at somewhere. My new found playland...
Then we grabbed a bottle of wine from his place then walked over to ECP :)
Oh ya, my dearest was sweet enough to actually bus half way and meet me on the way so that I wldnt be alone :)
Back to the point.. So we walked around ECP to find an empty hut, as it was like going rain.
He wanted to sit on the rocks but I was so scared and just refused to climb up :p end up he has to come down. hehe
Okay so we put our stuffs down, open the bottle of red wine and drank a little.
And I wanted to walk along the beach, cause I thought it would be really sweet and nice. At first he didn't want to get his legs wet but I kind of insisted and really glad he did it. :)
It's really my first time doing stuffs like this and I had always been wanting to do this, so I'm really thankful and happy. It was just simply sweetness but somehow I don't know how to express or tell you how much I really appreciate your effort and company, I just hope you know..
We had a really good talk and just enjoy the company while waiting for time to pass and the sun to rise.
Yes. My dear got drunk! He drank too much red wine, he practically drank the whole bottle by himself. He was sweet enough not wanting me to drink much and get drunk but no worries, that will never happen. Hmmm, may be it might.. when you really upset me.
Anyway, I kind of looked after him when he was drunk. I kind of enjoyed that moment, even though it was quiet when he's resting but it was sweet.
And I'm really happy to know that he appreciates what I've done.
So, we didn't really get to see a nice sunrise but I guess the wonderful time we had spent together is good enough to make up for it :))
Both of us headed home after that, I cabbed home while he just need to walk home. And my silly boy pissed his mom off but I really appreciate what you've done, taking an MC cause of me.
The time we could spend together is really very little but I just want to cherish what we are left with now and use it to the fullest.

TUESDAY.
I reached home, showered and slept!
I was really really exhausted.
This day was just spent at home.
Oh ya, my dear had a dream.. haha
And I want to tell you, it's only a dream, nothng more than that because that will NEVER happen.

WEDNESDAY.
I was supposed to go school for a revision lecture but I was late and my mood was rather low end up I just went down straight to my grandparents place to rest visit my grandpa and also collect stuffs.
Dear came to meet me at holland V, we had our dinner at Thai Express then had our dessert at Cold Rock! :) And I found out that I actually bother to observe and take notice of his likings more than he does about me.
We then headed down to zouk to catch the pageant, we were rather late but in time to see the results. So yup, his sis got into the finals which is very good. And of course congras to her.
I hang around for a little while, we walked over to shell and get a drink, chat a little then I left for home and he stayed.
I didn't want to stop him as I know he really wants to stay and I didn't want to deprive him of that just cause I don't want to club.
I do trust him so I allowed him to join his friends and have fun.
I guess he did really enjoy himself.
And yes, he got drunk again. I wasn't really very pleased with that but when I hear of it, I felt like scolding him but I was even more worried instead.
Moreover, I wasn't there to look after him this time, I felt kind of guilty at that moment for not staying and club with him.
Okay, I was disappointed in him but definitely more worried. I hope this doesn't happen again. How I wish I can infuse some of mine not getting drunk thinking into him..

THURSDAY.
Okay I didn't exactly had a really good sleep...
My granny came over to my place in the morning
And I had lunch with a teacher of mine from secondary sch who became a really good friend of mine..
We had a good time, good talk and good food. And definitely thanks for the treat.
After which he drove me home. Thanks for the ride too.

Anyway, I wasn't exactly in my best of mood. I was quite unhappy. I don't know how to describe. I just hope that you know I really do care alot about you but don't disappoint me. I may be demanding but I don't think that is overboard. I just want to spend more time now when we could and not till when we couldn't then regret.
When you're in Sispec it will be different so don't worry.
The attention I'm asking of now is different, just different and I just hope you will understand.

Anyway, surprisingly ming called me back today. And i really appreciate it my dear buddy.
Cause I really need it, somehow I just felt I need to share with you stuffs.
So my best buddy managed to make me feel slightly better with his crappy talks.
I ask him when and where will I get to see his girlfriend he tell me she's probably dead somewhere, then I say how can he say her like this, then he replied saying she's only his gf not his wife.
So I asked again when and where can I get to see my "dao sao"
And he tell me in his bedroom.
Okay I was speechless.
In any way, I'm waiting to see who's the next one k. It's been a long time, I'll sure intro you someone and it's time I intro you someone even though I know you have plenty of them.

To end this.. I guess there's only one person who can make me truly happy for now. And of course it's only you, dear.. we will see what you do k.

bye loves.

National Day

2008-08-10T10:15:00.003+08:00

Okay I was nearly done with the post but somehow it got deleted! :((
so I shall just cut it short.

This year's national day was spent with my dearest.
It was really nice.
And it was something different as I usually spend it with my family be it watching live at the stadium or just simply eating dinner at home.
Except for....
2005 which I was involved in it
And 2006 which I helped out and dine out with my madams and officers.

Okay, so my dear boy and I headed down to cityhall and we caught bite at Canele and I happened to meet rachel at B&J.
Then we walked over to padang cause he was simply so excited which I find really amusing.
The whole place was so packed, it was really crowded.. from cityhall all the way to marina.
We hang around one fullerton, we took tons of photos and just enjoy the company.

So my cute little boy was really excited and happy to catch the black knights and fireworks.
I hardly ever seen someone around his age to be like this.
May be this is just another side of him, but it's rather attractive.
Anyway, after that we went down to The Villa Bali, it's a really nice place.
And I definitely have to thank Maven, cause if it weren't for him I wouldn't have known the place and it was really nice of him that day. The food was not bad and the drinks were rather nice.

We were just basically cam-whoring the day away and I also got to know quite a bit of stuffs and shared quite a bit of stuffs :))
The time spent was just simply wonderful.

Okay. Oh man.. Serene called me today!
We chatted for quite a long time and shared stuffs. Really private stuffs :p
Was really happy and I MISS HER SO MUCH!

Shall blog more another time. BYE
loves.

2008-08-09T12:21:00.000+08:00

I HATE IT WHEN HE SAYS THAT I AM CHILDISH! :(

It's a special day :))

2008-08-09T10:36:00.004+08:00

080808
A memorable day.

National Day Eve.
Opening ceremony of Olympics.
My Happy Special Day.

Okay, ytd I had role play in school, then OGLs voting session.
After which I went out with audrey jess michael benito jiaming marcus thomas joel yongkuang matthew alvin
We caught a movie, " Love Guru"
It's quite nice, rather funny but of course the company was even better :)

Oh ya I made a trip down to Holland V to my grandparents place while they were having lunch, to do some stuffs and my poor grandpa, he injured his leg :((

Okay back to point. After the movie, we hang around The Cathay, the guys played CS and the girls walked around. Half-way through it, zengyi came to meet me and I left with him.

So we headed to cuppage and eat our dinner :) a rather nice japanese resturant, my new found place, I shall bring my mum there. Lovely. I wanted to play pool so we went down to meridian but sadly there's no table so we walked over to the Istana park and cam-whore! haha.But somehow there weren't many nice photos )): okay so we just walked aimlessly, sat down at the end of Parkmall (dome that side) chat a little, took some photos. Then we continued our journey, ended up at fort canning park there. Hmmm, some club? Okay so we decided to chill there.... And we left around 11 plus and we headed home.. :)

You know I felt really happy ytd cause my beloved asked me something. And I made him repeat a few times, cause somehow listening to it made me feel that i'm blessed and loved. Even though it was really simple, but somehow it was sweet too and although it was not exactly planned and it could had been better or sweeter but still it was enough to make me melt for the moment. I'm really thankful to have him. And I hope that he meant it, cause I know and I'm sure of what I've decided cause it wasn't an answer given implusively. However, I still can't help it but feel a little uncertain and insecure about him. I hope the happiness wouldnt be short-lived. And there's still somethings I'm waiting to hear from him.

Anyway, thanks for yr company, cause I really enjoyed myself.

Anyway, today is National Day! I miss ndp 2005 :(
Oh ya and it's Russell's birthday. Happy birthday Russell!

I'll be going out later and I'll share more about it tonight or tml.

bye!

2008-08-07T09:41:00.073+08:00

I haven't blogged for a long time.
I always say this and somehow I know I don't really put in the effort in updating my blog.
Kind of disappointed.

Anyway,
I have a lot to blog about, just a lot to say.
But I don't know how to start and where to start.......

nevermind.

PHATNITE.
I never really blogged about this event of mine.
Hmmm.
I never regret being part of the committee and I will never regret.
Even though it was tiring with extra work and effort..
But I had my fair share of fun..
The things that I've learnt, the friends that I've made, the people who I got to know better and many more....
These are all priceless, they are what money cant buy..
I wanna applaud, those who didn't give up on this event, those who stayed on and have faith in the committee.
Raymond and Cui Hui, you guys were excellent
And i'm glad that you guys didn't give up on us and the event.
The event had come to an end; It was quite a success, our efforts were paid off.
Really MEMORABLE :))

SERENE.
Okay. My lovely girl has left for australia on the 28th july
I'll miss her and those times spent with her.
Hmmm. Serene wasn't the one who I got to know first, for my batch of B and J girls..
She wasn't the one who was really close to me at first.
It's such an irony, instead I somehow got drift away from the one who was closest to me and got really close to Serene.
I guess we didn't really talked much at first, even though we were in the same clique
But after talking really often to her and hanging out often with her, we found out that we are so alike in so many ways.
Our clique had so many plans, but somehow it was only "talks"
I'm really glad to get to know Serene better and went ahead with her with those plans.
Charlene joined us in some :)
But sadly she missed out some too
For example the sleepover. It was really wonderful, those movies and things we shared.. our little secrets :)
I miss the sleepover
I miss going out with Serene, having lunch, dinner with her and chilling at starbucks with her and friends
Okay, I shall upload some photos

Starbucks near heerens there :)

Cheesecake cafe.

the day after sleepover. near cathay ben and jerrys.

laptop day.

GIRAFFE :))) got ALOT more photos.

goodbye Serene.

My dear girl, Please take care of yourself over in australia. :) I will miss you and do contact me kay. ♥LOVES.

Tidus.
Okay I met up with Tidus after work on Sunday.
I went over to his work place to accompany him as he was working alone.
We were just cam-whoring all the way. And of course we shared some stuffs and did some catching up.
Anyway, Tidus don't rush, take your time and also give her time.
Photo time :)))

Hmmm.
I was talking to zengyi last night
Okay I felt really very bad. As we were talking about someone, something to do with my ex.
Then we were kind of arguing. I feel that it's damn stupid, dumb and really not worth it to spend time talking and arguing about him.
He's my past and definitely not a very good one to remember and talk about.
May be I was stupid but it's over already, I see no point in pondering over it again.
And moreover, I cannot deny that I was at fault too, I spoilt him. But cause of it, I learnt my lesson, a vey big lesson.
If you think that i was shortchanged then don't ever be like him. And treat me well, like how you think I deserve.
I was kind of touched when you say that in the message.
But still sometimes I still can't get what are you thinking. You have very complicated thinking. Always deep in thoughts.
Sometimes I can't help it but feel inferior. You kept me thinking am I good, worthly enough for someone.
I'm kind of demanding, yet I can't bear to put those demands on you, cause I'll feel guilty.
And somehow you give me the thinking that you will get really angry.
Which I don't really wish to happen, I don't like upsetting people.

To end this.. I really do enjoy yr company, be it going out or on the phone :))

Oh ya. I chatted with marcus for a little while as I wanted to ask him something, clearing a little of my doubts and see what others think. And also check on how is he doing cause he fell sick the other time. So my good friend here, was preaching to me on the phone!

Okay it's quite a long post. I've yet to blog about quite alot of stuffs but still I'm satisfied with this post. :)
loves. bye

2008-07-05T13:58:00.003+08:00

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Go in, come in, thought I heard a knock
Who's there? No one, thinking that I deserved it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
You didn't notice, you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is, I'ma be okay

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too, oh yeah
(It'll all get better in time)
Even though I really loved you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
(It'll all get better in time)

How could I turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me?
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings?

If I'm dreaming, don't wanna let, hurt my feelings
But that's the path, I believe in
And I know that, time will heal it
You didn't notice, you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is, I'ma be okay

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too, oh yeah
(It'll all get better in time)
Even though I really loved you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to
(It'll all get better in time)

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go so I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is, I'll be fine without you
Yes, I will

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too, oh
(It'll all get better in time)
Even though I really loved you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to, yes, I do
(It'll all get better in time)

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too, yeah
(It'll all get better in time)
And even though I really loved you
I'm gonna smile 'cause I deserve to

2008-07-03T14:21:00.003+08:00

I guess I'm moving on well :))
Okay yupp.. so much to blog about
I have yet to blog bout gary's birthday which was like eons ago.
Anyway, to keep it short.. it was nice and fun.
Hope he likes the present..

Basically, a lot of stuff happened.
Too much to blog and I'm super duper lazy..
Oh ya.. i also haven't blog about hitesh's birthday which was even way back.. but just to share..
It was really fun, nice bonding ,sharing, playing time...

Okay, I shall share some stuffs. So Van and Adam is back but they are leaving soon..
They came to find me on the day when i was working.. Dom Van and Adam but missing me :(
Cause i was so busy!
Van jus went Tokyo the other day..
and when she's back Adam would have gone back.. sad

Okay so I met up with ray on last sat after work, hang ard town..
Then dom came to join us.. introduced them..
Then Serene came to join us too..!
Sat at starbucks and chilled.
so random..!
cos i know Dom and Ray but they don't know each other..
Then serene also only know me.
Serene's friend, Will came to join us too. So he's my friend now :)
It's extremely random.. but rather fun.
Ray was rather quiet but Serene and Dom managed to hit off well.. Will and Dom.. Me and Will too..
Okay after which dom was invited to the party too.
Oh ya. and this pretty girl of mine is going melb soon :((
Happy for her yet i will miss her!

Okay yes..
So tue was Serene's birthday..
She held a party at Aloha Changi..
The place was kind of eerie..
but still... it was rather fun.
So i drank alittle while playing games.
I'm so blur :( lose quite a few times..
Got to know more ppl.. and oh ya, I met up with charlene! like finally.. and got to know another pretty girl.. Talleah.

So me and Charlene fake Serene that we arent goin to the party anymore..
Charlene lied earlier in the day.. but i lied when i was about to reach.
I apologised and ask her don't be angry and sad cause even though I wont be there but her present will be sent to her very soon.. and I told her my friend was reaching so asked her to go out and wait for it..
so yupp
Then me and charlene surprised her..! She was like damn sad when I tell her I can't make it.. She say that we scare her... haha. my dear girl of course we will never miss out on yr birthday!

Oh ya.. me and Charlene lose our way while going there but we don dare to call Serene and ask her
Cause we were wanting to surprise her.. so our cab fare was like rather ex.
Anyway.. Dom came.. but it was damn late. and haha.. he drove there! like super good. Oh ya and i asked him to bring his laptop so i can use.. :))
You know the first time i sat in Dom's car.. i sat for like 4 hrs!
Cause sth happened to his tire..
So we drove ard looking for a shop to service.. repair it for him.. Kind of funny..
After we're done with that we quickly rush back to his place so that his parents doesn't find out.
Okay so we kind of lie.. NO. is Dom made me lie.. and of course he lied! hahah

so much more to blog about..!
nevermind.
i shall end here..
quite a long post..

continue another day..
Oh ya.. Serene shared something very interesting with me...
loves.

byee

2008-06-27T03:43:00.003+08:00

i cant sleep at this moment..
the sudden change of mood isnt the best thing i ever wanted..
the tears jus keeps on rolling down
not sth i can control..
even though i'm thankful for the company i'm having now..
but the sadness i'm feeling now is overwhelming..
thus.
i'm sorry.

even though you said it's alright..
but you know it's not.
i jus cant get to sleep and i dislike this feeling...

how i wish someone is here with me now. jus anyone.. anyone who's close to me..
cos i really need that company..
a hug would definitely be very helpful.
nvm.
it's jus my wishful thought.. a wishful thought....

bye.

2008-06-12T00:28:00.002+08:00

whooo..
clarissa is here clarissa is here... ((:
anw.. yes i'm like supposed to have recover but i arent really recovering.. cos the stubbon me never finish eating my med :p and yes i'm falling sick again... or like worsen again.. )):

i'm like having sugar rush NOW.
but i believe michael is worst than me (: lol. i believe those who were there understands.
yupp so i've been busy with stuffs... event stuffs..
and yes ACE is gonna be busy too...
projects etc too...
holiday arent like holiday.. it arent anywhere near there too... saddedddd..

i'm like getting more mean.. to certain ppl.. but of course they know i don mean it... ((:
anw... i'm getting into lots of ****
oh man. not my fault.... :(((((((
nvmm.....
i'm jus avoiding now.. cos i donno wad to do.. and too tired to think and deal with it... sorry.
or i jus simply act blur. cos thats the only thing i can think of..

okay.
and i'm getting wrong influences...
i wanna scold my buddy but i cant cos i will have karma.. okay retribution if i scold him cos i also done sth bad... idiot all yr fault ming..
and i'm starting to use words i dont used to use or i was unable to say them last time. no good no good...

and i yes i'm beginning to realise that i have quite a number of friends who are les or bisexual(partial)... the number is getting larger and larger..
oh man. interesting....
anw i'm being random...

byee. loves.

2008-06-02T23:04:00.003+08:00

i'm having fever now
damn giddy
head damn pain..
feel like knocking my head against the wall.. it's 38.6 now.. keeps on increasing:((

cry already la.

2008-05-20T01:41:00.002+08:00

i'm exhausted..
really very tired...
jus finished baking...
haven even tried it yet!

anw.. i'm really very tired..
it seems like everyone is eating alittle of me.. and this is how much i'm left with.. jus this little bit of me...
it been a long day for me.. for ytd and today...
i met him.. afterall it was a good one...

and today met up with jiaojie and weikian for project etc..
super long day..
had fun though..
nice baking time...
but super super tiring...

okay. anw..
i hardly have any time for myself... :((
i've been living for people.. i hate this feeling...
so tiring...
i'm lost again..

bye.

2008-05-17T04:04:00.002+08:00

i cant help it but cry at this very hour..i've been trying my best to put up a strong front for a very lmyong time already..
i cant take it any longer.. and i tired...

i'm way more hurt than you could imagine...
i was on my way home today.. with my friends..
i tried my best not to cry even how sad i am.. even how bad my heart is bleeding..
but i jus cldnt smile.. cos if i really did i would be tearing while i smile...

i took a cab after alighting the train...
i cant help it but breakdown in the cab..
ming was on the phone with me..
and i guess he cld sense how bad i felt when i msged him.. and definitely when i was on the phone with him...

nvm..
my eyes are damn swollen. :((
fever fever fever.
bye

2008-05-12T17:23:00.002+08:00

helloo..
in my freshies' marketing lecture again..

:( so bored. and they are so noisy.. poor teacher.. but nvmm..
bought sweetsssssssssss from cheers.. and finish 3/4 of it already.

yupp.. i shall upload photos from 0802's bbq..

and terrence is going to get whacked already la.. keep shhhhhhhhhhh...
fredrick is super automatic can.. jus took my sweetsss... when i jus put it down... happily smiling...

okay we jus took photo.. gagaga...
and my sweets are damn nice!

THIS STUIPD GARY KEEP KICKING THE BACK OF MY SEAT!!! DAMN ANGRY AND IRRITATED LA... gonna smack him in the face already.. HMP.
stephanie's twinnnnnnnnnnnnnn...
the typical singaporean...
hmppp.

anw. upload photos later la.bye.

2008-05-04T09:20:00.005+08:00

okay.. listen to this song.
very nice song..
and yupp.
also wad i wanna say...

I'm looking for a lover not a friend
Somebody who can be there when I need someone to talk to
I'm looking for someone who won't pretend
Somebody not afraid to say the way they feel about you

And I'm looking for someone who understands how I feel,
Someone who can keep it real and who knows the way
The way i like to have it my way
And I'm looking for someone who takes me there,
Wants to share, shows he cares
Thinkin your the one that I've been waiting for

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me? (Could you be?)
Could you be the one I need?

I'm looking for someone to share my pain (Uh)
Someone who I can run to, who would stay with me when it rains
Someone who I can cry with through the night
Someone who I can trust who's hardest right
And I'm looking for someone

And I'm looking for someone who understands how I feel,
Someone who can keep me real and who knows the way

The way i like to have it my way
And I'm looking for someone who takes me there,
Want to share, shows he cares
Thinkin your the one that I've been waiting for

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be this one I need?

Take for granted
How much I care (How much I care)
And appreciates that I'm there
Someone who listens
And someone I can call who isn't afraid of love to share

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

Is it you? is it you?
Maybe you're the one I've been waiting for
Could you be the one for me?
Could you be the one I need?

2008-05-04T08:44:00.004+08:00

okay.. so i've gone missing for the past few day..:)
basically.. i'll briefly talk bout them..

so thurs= labour day.
yupp.. finally a break.. for a day...
so stayed home and rot :))

and yes. fri back to school..
i was late can. omg.. i woke up damn late. so i quickly prepared, grab my stuffs and took a cab.
so class ended at 4.
celebrated wei ting's birthday and took class photo.
shall upload it later.
and I LOSE MY FILE!
oh man :( important can.

so yes..
on sat...
okay a long day...
my ecom group was supposed to meet at 12.
so yes all of us were late!
jiao jie was the first, she went to causeway point.
i #1cabbed down straight to the library building..
the weiquan met with jiao jie..
and yes. wei kian was the last. haha.
i walked rounds ard the library yet cldnt find a place..
so when we met up.. we thought of lots of other places but cldnt find a suitable one..
end up we #2cabbed back to my place.

we were having fun chatting etc.. got some photos of weikian slping with the big bird.. shall upload another time.
okay so when it ended.. we all #3cabbed to our next location..
i had to go for my freshies' class bbq.. it was at amk so i alighted first..
okay and they headed to novena for seafood buffet.

so the class bbq was fun.. ended and left that place bout 11 plus.
so yes. i finally took a train.
and i met jowell...
she's sweet.. pretty..
and yes.. thanks fredrick...
i was such a huge lightbulb can..
okay so.. i alighted at yewtew..
and i took a #4cab home.. :)
reached home bout 11 plus 12.
anw.. i'll blog more about the bbq later.. when i got hold of the photossssssssss k :)
0802 is very much loved!

and yupp. to these special ppl.
WEI TING, HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY!
GARRY, HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!!
MICHAEL, HAPPY 19TH BIRTHDAY!!!

okay.. gotta rush for work already :)
bye. loves.

2008-04-30T10:41:00.002+08:00

okay.. i'm in school already...
i was late..
damn tired :((

ytd ended quite late.. left dempsey at bout 11 plus reaching 12.
cabbed and reached home bout 12 plus.
i worked yr raffles city from 12 plus till bout 5.. cos received a call from uncle sam..
asking me to go down dempsey.. cos they need help there..
so i took a cab and rush down to dempsey.. :)) cab fare under company.
work till 9pm. then joined the others for the party :)

was very tired.
sann and arrianne even worse :(
they worked for free cone day already then went dempsey for closing..
i never even work so long like them, already feel so tired.. they shld be feeling much more tired.
ytd also very messy.. so...

anw. in IP tech and networking now..
i catch no balls. :((
gonna fail my this module already. :'(

bye.

2008-04-29T02:27:00.003+08:00

i cant slp at this very hour :((
chatting with my good friend online..

okay.. i'm feeling alittle better..
donno why.. it's been years.
jason jus has his way to make me feel better..
so yupp.
this rich ass wans to go bali and have fun..
okay.. i wanna go too! )):

i'm feeling damn stressed.
i really cant take it anymore..
i need to get out of sg!
even jus for awhile will make me feel better.

i haven travel to overseas for bout a yr already..
i really need this break..
feel damn weird if i stay in sg too long and never get out of the country for awhile.
maybe.. if the timing allows if it matches my break.. i might really go bali with jason and whoever..
since my lovely friend did ask me. :))

come to think bout it.. i've known jason for bout 5 years plus; 6 years already..
hmm.. not very long not very short..
when we look back it seems that time past rather fast.
jason is turning 20 already and i'm already 18.. :)

oh man.
those talks.. those fun times with jun zhang ziyan etc etc. those match-making moments..!
haha.
unforgettable. really memoriable.
he taught me quite alot of things... very smart guy.
and yes.. made quite a few good friends too..
as time passes both of us grew up and also changed..

but definitely this friendship never die off. ((:

and yes tml free cone day.. come come find me.
jason better wake up early and find me!
he's damn lazy..
bad-mouthing my good friend ..oops :p

gotta go slp. jason is nagging at me.. :(
he's really like an older bro to me at times..
but he doesnt look that old or ugly k..
haha.
but i know he's one of the few friends who truely cares... :))
one friend whom i really treasure and trust..

nites.loves.
clarissa is sick. )):

2008-04-28T17:21:00.004+08:00

hello helloooo.. ((:
haha. i'm in a lecture now.. but not my lecture!!
it's my freshies'.. i crash lecture. whooo..
it's like so different from ours can...

hahah. they actually queued up to come in...
their lecturer is different from ours too..
i miss erika fong.. her english is powerful.. unlike.... erhmmmm.

so quiet now... damn boring can :((
stephanie stop peeping...!
terrence also...!
lol.. terrence jus waved to the screen.
gosh.. it's so... him.

terrence jus shifted and the whole row of chair moved can..
oh man..
jowell if you're reading.. see how heavy terrence is...
hahah.

gary and darius is obviously not paying attention can!
one playing with his fingers? his nails?
oh man a guy can... tsk tsk tsk.
and darius is like half-aslp already..
and jasmine is like doing some stuffs for the upcoming bbq..
okay..

anw. my freshies are much loved.

and ppl pls pls pls tag k...
my tagboard is practically dead :((

love. loves. loved!

2008-04-27T23:14:00.003+08:00

i'm enjoying the feeling i'm having now..
i donno why.

i'm feeling kinda tired after work..
but i donno how to describe..
i had a long day of work.. really long..
had a nice dinner with tiffanie and had a long time.. an enjoyable one
i enjoy simple thngs like this..
really open talks etc..
had a walk by myself. from ben and jerrys to the bus stop.. isnt a short one..
kinda dark.. but somehow i enjoy the peacefulness..

i somehow know wad i wan now.. who i like..
but like.. i'm not constrain by it...
i love this feeling..
i don expect everything always go or work the way i wan it to be.. so yupp..
it's too complicated for you all to understand..
but i believe my best friend know wad i'm talking bout..

i have friend of mine who i hadnt chat with for a long time.. he suddenly called me the other..
and we chatted.. haha. i kinda mean. (i'm sorry, if you're reading this)
so yupp.. he can sing very well.. i knew that he can sing well all along.. cos he sang to me b4.
so as usual.. he played his guitar and sang me songs through the phone..
it's very enjoyable listening to it.
i guess singing songs and playing his guitar is already part and parcel of his life cos he's in a band..
erm.. i've heard of it b4.. it has performed quite a few times in clubs etc...

did quite abit on catchin up bout each others life.. etc
i guess i didnt really change.. as usual.
i'm still as secretive as ever and a mystery to you...
haha. but you didnt change much too.. maybe jus alittle.. :)
and you're definitely cheapskate.. you cheated.. went to ask daryl...

DARYL SIT! you were not allowed to tell anyone bout it can.. and you summore tell him... :(( you owe me lots...

to someone.. i guess you don need to avoid me. cos clarissa is nice.. i wont eat you up..
basically, i'm matured enough to think and open-minded enough to still wan you as my friend..
but it's still up to you..
and don worry i called you cos i had something urgent needed you to help me.. but it's okay.

anw. i'm tired.. so i shall jus end here..
and michael i know you are always there for me k.. :)
and so are my sweeties.
thanks.
and mummy i hope you feeling better.
loves.

2008-04-27T04:48:00.003+08:00

okay.. i'm blogging like right in the midle of the night..
i donno why. but i feel like.

today someone said to me.. that we live in 2 different worlds..
it sounds so familiar..
someone said that b4 but i never got the chance to know or ask wad does it mean.
and now i would like to know wad it means by 2 different world?
wad's my world like in another person's view?
and wad is another world like?

i need an answer.. can someone provide me one.

you know i thought that when you like someone or when you are tgt with someone... you two will create another world.. a world that belongs to both of you...
i never thought everything can be perfect so i don expect 2 worlds to be the same.
and cos wads the point when a new world will be created...

goodnight.

2008-04-26T10:49:00.018+08:00

so much to blog about...!
omg. this is the result of being a lazy blogger...

okay.. anw.. i took away the previous post already...
for those who had read it.. i guess you all wld know wad kind of mentality i had when i was writting it... i meant it and i really do.. The 2 Ts will know the best i guess..
yupp.. and yes. i didnt delete it.. of course i didnt..
cos i guess i never blogged like this b4 and it's the very first time and shall be last one too.. let it be a special one...
nvm.
curious? hack into my acc ((:

okay.. anw anw.. i've got lots on my mind.. donno who to share it with.
been keeping lots to myself.. as usual.. not that i've no one to share it with or not that i don trust ppl..
but somethings are personal.. and for now i don have that one special person to share it with me yet...
i donno how to describe..
The Ts are busy.. one with his girlfriend (: , one with his brothers and all his pretty girls..
I miss van like so much! she's in aust so it so hard, adam too and dom is busy with his studies, busy chionging...
ming as usual, busy with water polo, flirting :) but i know he's here when i really needed.. but still lousy best buddy. :p
i miss charmaine, carina, yunting, nicolechuaniyun like freaking freaking freaking much... the 3 ladies are busy with their As. and as for nicole.. i haven talked to you for like.....................
i definitely miss my pretty girl..Pearlyn :( you're always so busy! the guys are always snatching you away :((
i miss charlene, ser, vanessa, sherlyn!! my sweeties are all busy with work and studies.. we haven really catch up much even though me and sherlyn work in the same branch but we don always work tgt.. wad's more to say bout the others when we are all diff branches...
michael is pretty much preoccupied by his other group of friend, his event and studies
mummy and daddy have their own probs.. rather worrying.. :( but remb you're always loved and missed by yr daughter.. feel free to share with me k :) i can always be yr listening ear.
audrey and jess are as stressed up!
yingyi , cherie and sou are very much missed...
karlu, gwen, siying, jaslin, donna, kesha and my beloved tennis mates are missed... haven chat with some for some time already.. :( okay i promise if i've the time i'll go back and train k..
and manymanymanymany more..
those i never name not cos i don miss you all but cos it's too much...
and these misses are different from the misses i have for someone else..

yes back to point..
i'm freaking stressed..
depressed. upset. confused. sick.
can someone save me :((
but of course i'm also happy at times.. clear minded at times... etc..
all my crazy and interesting ideas and nonsense (((:

and omg i jus received a call from my aunt... i'm so dead.. my phone bill is like so much..
jus outgoing calls itself is already 100 not adding msges, mms, international calls, the basic amount i have to pay for my plan and those extra stuffs... my mum is soo gonna kill me! :((((

okay i shall talk bout orientation and my freshies first..
orientation lasted for 3 days.. overall it was a success..
the planning lasted for a month and it was definitely memorable and seriously hardcore training..
hmm.. the 3 days orientation was definitely sweat and blood.. fun and laughters, really more than words can describe..
and DBI0802.. you all are very much loved by me kay..
really nice bunch of ppl :)
and yes not forgetting my ogls, huishan huiyi and aruna... really nice time with you guys.. without you all i'll be dead..
i'm always running all around.. MIA. (but of course when you all call me to save you all from probs i got rush down k.)
okay.. but really thank you all.

i believe 0802 is definitely so much more bonded after the 3rd day..
you all brought me lots of laughters, joy and friendship :)
and of course my white hair are also by you guys...
haha.
interesting bunch of ppl.. the super noisy and enthu ones. the quiet and demure ones. the shy but not so shy ones.. and the shy and really very shy ones... the smart ones.. the cunning ones.. the good looking ones and the better looking ones. and the best looking ones.. haha.. not forgetting. tall taller and tallest :)
i've been hanging out alot with my freshies..
and yes.. if i can i'll try my best to help them :))
and haha.. thanks for the RED MUG.
those breakfast and lunch... breaks etc are memorable..
to all of you.. thank you. and yes, i cant wait for the bbq :) but why labour day??

Jasmine--- hmmm.. a really nice girl. i trust that you can be a good class rep. I've faith in you and have faith in yourself too like how yr classmates have faith in you k.. as always, you can approach me if there's any probs.. and yes. yr 18 marketing txtbooks can faint. (terrence forget to tell me, so i wasnt mentally prepared).. and yes. bonding yr class as one is yr duty already.. (:

Terrence--- the potential asst class rep. i guess like yr classmates said they will die without you.. it's good that you all are helping one another.. and stop making steph and gary laugh in class k.. concentrate (:
this is terrence:

There can be miracles when you believe. says:
u want my class everybody's name ?
♥ c l a r i s s a. PHATNITE ((: says:
yes
♥ c l a r i s s a. PHATNITE ((: says:
pls
♥ c l a r i s s a. PHATNITE ((: says:
thanks
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
lols
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
i type so long
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
all in wrong window ...
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
nvm ...
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
gary
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
stephanie .
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
jasmine
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
darius
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
ryan
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
dao hong
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
emily
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
yingling
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
rachel
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
sheryl
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
josher
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
hadi
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
syuhada
♥ c l a r i s s a. PHATNITE ((: says:
type all tgt la
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
..................
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
K LA !
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
say ma
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
hahas
♥ c l a r i s s a. PHATNITE ((: says:
lol. that's all?
There can be miracles when you believe. says:
gary, jasmine, darius, stephanie, daohong, ryan, josher, syuhada, hadi, rachel, sheryl, emily, hanzheng, weiming,limguan, siewcheng, yingling and me !

but got new students, fredrick, feifei and si yi.

and terrence sorry bout yr laptop and thanks for yr laptop too. hahaha. i believe yr heart almost dropped out. Nice guy, older than me! :)) and very loving with his pretty girlfriend.

Gary--- Steph's twin.. haha.. okay. gary is nice.. friendly.. fun. hahah.. and noisy! will never forget "CLARISSSSAAAAAA!" at koufu k..! and gary is a typical singaporean.. very kiasu. haha.. join so many cca can!! ((:

Stephanie--- a really pretty girl.. haha.. yr cliques calls you yao gui.. nvm la.. you can afford to be one.. heard of yr stories already.. next time must share with me k... chocolates tidbits.. ((: haha. and.. don worry bout yr admin card k... it's only a photo and you can always stick another photo on it. and you know ppl always change.. and you can proudly tell ppl you changed for the better unlike them :p

Darius--- hmmm.. darius is always tgt with jasmine.. super glue.okay la.. yr clique is always tgt.. and i happen to always join you all :p yupp.. so darius.. the mug ar.. hmmmm... remb-ed. :) and you jas gary is really lucky... enrolled tgt and got into the same class :) cos there was special request... treasure it k.. and of course hope you're adapting well. the quieter one in the group. but i know you're also part of the "CLARISSSAAAA" k.

Ryan--- a really active and lively guy.. hope you like yr class... :) and yes. if there's anything i can help i will try my best k.. at least i know you do approach me when you needed help..

Dao Hong--- dao hong is taller and so much bigger in size than me, helpful guy... okay.. you're one of the few who does contact me.. so yupp.. hmm.. not very quiet also not very outspoken. but i believe you also have lots of funny ideas like gary they all.. :) Am i very fierce?? :((

Emily--- hmmm.. i don chat much with you but hope to know you better... i guess you're one of the quieter ones. the clique of girls.. speak up more sweetie..

YingLing--- i don really know you.but when i meet up with yr class,
hope you will approach me and chat with me k :)

Rachel--- little miss know it all.. haha.. really lively girl who knows quite alot of things.. don really chat much with you but i know you shld be adapting well... cos you're rather bubbly.

Sheryl--- sheryl sheryl... sheryl has a blog.. and i tagged on it b4 :) haha.. okay. i haven chat much with you.. but if there's anything pls learn like terrence, jas they all.. really feel free to ask me k.. hahah.

Josher--- hmm. don really know you that well.. but it's good that you're joining tennis..! hahah.. very much loved..

Hadi---don really know you well but hope you get to know you better :)

Syuhada---you're rather quiet.. hope to see you talk more... must win terrence gary and steph k! :)

Han Zheng--- a really quiet guy.. hope you will open up and yes.. hope you all will not outcast him and let him join you all k.

Weiming--- hmmm.. thought you small size but equally playful and full of INTERESTING ideas.. i believe. and yes.. remb. yr nice ogl is always there to guide you.

Limguan--- hmmm.. a really nice girl... heheh.. love you even more when you say i'm pretty.. hahaha... okay. anw.. i hope you like yr class.. and yes you're definitely very helpful... unlike someone la.. don wanna help me get my drink :( (*hint hint).. and i'm sure you're daring enough to approach me. :)))

Siewcheng--- tall tall tall.. you're tall can.. :( haha.. okay.. always meet you where ever i go.. nice and sweet girl.. outspoken enough to approach me i guess..

Fredrick--- Seen you b4 but haven chat with you... :)) donno why you werent there for orientation but hope you like yr new found friends..

Fei Fei--- caught a glimpse of you... but haven chat with you yet. hope you're adapting well..

Si Yi--- i haven seen you before but i wld love to (: heard of you though..

Gladys--- hmmm.. even though you're not in 0802 but i believe you have lots of chance to join 0802 cos 0801 is very close to 0802.. i hope you're adapting well with yr classmates. and remb this. like i said if there's anything you can always feel free to approach me.. i'm always yr ogl k. and yes.. gladys is a really nice quiet and shy girl.

okay so end of the list :)))) and yes.. 0802 i'll always remb the super embarrassing moment.. "BYE CLARISSSSAAA". thanks alot.

REMB-ED.

i've got alot alot more photos.. will upload the next time.

okay.. so now this is to germaine (mummy)..
cheer up sweetie..
you know you really said sth very right "there's no such thing as not good enough. you would be if you put in the effort."
you kind of taught me sth. :)
i know this is a very difficult period for you..
but i believe and i know you can get over it..
cos you're not that weak.. and you have yr friends and me...
i'll always be there for you no matter wad... you're always my mummy k..
and very much loved by me.

i understand how you're feeling right now.. cos i've been through it..
time will tell alot of things..
i guess i'm not in the right position to really advise you..
but i guess like you've said to me earlier on..
you asked me to move on..
and if he's mine he will be mine.. and he will be willing to wait or when time is right he will come to me...
so remb, say this to yrself too..
you're a pretty girl, intelligent and sweet. I believe with yr calibre you will have no problem..
take yr time.. you're still young... :)
if i can do it.. i believe you can too...

and yes. thanks for yr encouragement mummy..
i'm always willingly to lend you my listening ears k.

as you know i'm not really in a good state myself..
but if i can help i would love to..

okay.. i'll jus end here for today and yes.. talk more another day. :)

loves.

2008-04-12T17:41:00.003+08:00

i'm confused..
feeling extremely tired.. exhausted.
maybe i haven had this kind of feeling for a long time already..

it frightens me when someone looks into my eyes and try to see through me.. or read what am i thinking.
i jus really dont know what i really wan now.
never did i wanna hurt anyone...
cos i know the feeling of being hurt. i understand the feeling of it.

i fear of the hurt i had received
i'm frightened by this feeling.
this is so not me! behaving jus like a coward.
but i really do not have the courage to face it.. nor the trust is strongly built yet.

i really do enjoy the company.
and i haven felt like this for sometime already..
but i kind of realise the presence of this gap surfacing at times.
i donno how to describe it.

anw.. i'm falling sick :(
my mood which has been up and down.. hasnt been helping me much..
for me i will become more sick when i'm upset.. moody...
i keep quite alot of things to myself..
i don usually share with ppl..
it's a bad habit...
but not many will ask me too...

i guess i'm kind of mysterious...
or maybe only my best buddy knows me best.. and maybe he's the only one who will know how to ask me, dare to ask me and bothered to ask me..

feeling damn emo now..
but my mood changes quite fast at times.. so..

if you know me well you will know, sometimes i'm jus like a little girl, who cries quite a lot.. very whiny
but i'm also very easy to pacify...
however, for this not many knows and bothers...

okay. i shall jus end here for now..
byeee.

2008-03-09T03:50:00.005+08:00

on this very day.. at this very time.
i'm tearing and blogging at the same time.
i have lots to blog about..
the camp eagles, the day 1 of planning, etc

but at this very moment..
i jus feel like blogging about how i'm feeling..
yes, it's about him. and yes, i'm crying cos' of him..

and i really hope this is the last time...
too long of a story to tell..
but now i know, i really know that i haven forgotten bout him yet.
not at all..
he's my sensitive issue..
and from this very moment i'll try my best to let him go.
cos i know. i know i deserve someone so much better..

but i know i really truely love someone this much.
and now i can say i ever love someone so much that you cant describe how foolish am i..
and i can say it really hurts.. it's painful..
it's blind. it's helpless...
but it's REAL.

can someone be my healer?
can someone heal my bleeding heart?
or it can only be done by you??

okay. all i can tell you is that i love you.
and i LOVED you.. but you took me for granted.

now i know this is true.
you will only learn how precious he/she is when you lose him/her.
and
you will only learn to treasure when you really lose that person.

it's really time i should let go..
if you're mine, you will be mine.
if you really love me. time will tell..
if you really wan me, you will wait....
i need TIME.

bye.

2008-02-21T17:11:00.002+08:00

i haven blogged for quite awhile.
so i shall share about things that happened the past few days..

okay.. so lunar new year has arrived and in fact today is the last day..
so as usually.. busy with visiting.. the usual routine i guess..
except on the 2nd day of new year my family members came over at night(from mid-noon)..
we had steamboat and some bbq food..
then the day ended at bout 12?
as usual it's the mahjong's group...

then the 3rd day was my grandparents place..
so headed there rather early to help with stuffs..
at the end of the day you can actually see the kitchen filled with maids..
the 4th day was another of my close relative's hse situated at bishan..
did not stay for long though.. i really short stay.
as my dad needed to rush for his mahjong appointment with his friends..

the following days either we went for visiting or jus stayed home..
so on the 14th of feb.. yes. which is valentines day...
i thought it was a rather sad day at first..
but it turns out pretty alright.. rather nice :)

so cabbed down to meet carina at bout 1 plus that day..
received balloon and a rose from her :)
i gave her sth too..
then saw yunting.. jane etc.
we left acjc and headed to her place.. she changed her shoes and bag then we headed to town..

charmaine came to join us for a little while but left after a short while to join her class...
then we continued to shop..
then i went to meet van and dom at paragon after carina left..
we ate at bakerzin ((:
had fun chilling and shopping..
my 2 dearies spent quite a little that day..
we went wisma and continue shopping.. and finally i got sth there..!
dom left to meet his friend.. van and me decided to find a place at starbucks and rest..
had fun talking and taking photos <3
then continued shopping for alittle while. then wanted some dessert so we headed to the foodcourt..
you know i think it's the first time goin foodcourt with van.. haha

soon it was time for van to leave and meet her friend and my other grp of friends came to meet me..
got to meet new ppl :)) and also meet my friends who i haven met for a longggg time..
quite nice.
and they intro me someone nice..
but felt alittle extra.. out of place..
oh ya.. i saw rebecca and quite a few ppl..
then dom came to join me.. and the day ended at heerens..
left my friends.. cabbed with dom..
he alighted then i headed home..

you know my cab fare kills.. :((
bad bad bad habit!

and yes. it was daryl's bdae on the 15th..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST FRIEND!
loved.

went visiting on the 16th... first to tampines my uncle's new condo.
then left for my dad's business partner's place...
had a list of things from my parents that we cant wear there..

it was a rather nice and big hse...
their swimming pool turned into a pond.. i guess due to fengshui.
each of them had a walk-in wardrobe... so jealous!
their 2 rabbits are very cute..

they had lion and dragon dance over at their place..
rather eventful... quite alot ppl invited.
and they celebrated my dad's business partner's bdae also..
yupp.. so headed home after that.. cos my dad had another of his mahjong appointment with his friends and my aunt who followed us also had one with my mum's sis place which is near my place..

the day ended late and tired.

17th was Yunting's bdae..
Yun ting is loved..
she's my bbf :) jus miss those times.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAR GIRL!!! <3

okay so exams started on the 19th.. i never liked dcn.. so yupp.
then supposed to take my stats today.. but sadly i'm sick :((
i'm currently at jiehuan's place studying..

they are all knocked out.. i guess they drank quite alot..
i didnt drink at all..
by the time i was here ming was already knocked out.. jiehuan says that he drank alot..
drinking in broad day light.. lol.

okay now i gonna back to my studies..
sorry for the really long post..
upload some photos another time.

and to end this..
go take alook at my sis's online shop.
http://leglassslippers.livejournal.com

bye. loves.

2008-02-02T11:18:00.000+08:00

lots of stuffs happened ytd..
there are lots of things on my mind...
but thought through many stuff too.

i cant deny he really affect me alot..
cos' of him i can become another person within a second..
so scary right..
this scares me too..
i don like being like this..
i wanna be who i wan to be.
but it takes time..

some really unpleasant things happened ytd..
i guess i've changed to be more sensitive but also more paranoid..

in this post i wanna apologise to a good friend of mine (the person will know who i'm referring to)..
I'M SORRY.
it's my bad.. and i'm feeling very guilty.
will you forgive me?

you know ytd was 1st feb, by right it's my anniversary with him if....
nvmm.

bye.

2008-01-31T12:16:00.000+08:00

i'm in school now.
jus feel like being alone..

i know i'm at fault for being late...
but why when things turn out well you all take credit and when things are bad all is blamed on me..
i don understand...
i know i tried my best and i did my work..

you all are upset.. i understand
but so am i..
i feel like an idiot.. putting so much effort into the work yet i'm never appreciated.

if you have sth to say.. jus say it in my face.. jus tell me..
why must say until like this...

somehow i jus cant help it but cry..

nvm..
thankful that i have jess and sam they all..

2008-01-26T21:35:00.000+08:00

i jus caught a movie through the television..
"raising helen"
it's awesome...
somehow i liked the storyline...

i had been thinking through lots these past few days..
i'm confused..
lots on my mind...
unsure of how i feel..

but somehow i know someone inspired me ytd...
donno why.
made me willing to face my problems and think through about it...
i really thought through wad i wan.. wad i need at this period of time..

maybe my mind is clearer now..

This is ME..
i can be weak and helpless to the guy i love at times..
cos isnt it always like this when you're in love..
and the person you love should be someone you wanna rely on..
however, i can be strong too...
cuz i wan the one i love to rely on me too..
it's all about give and take..
it's all about growing up together..
and it's all about this one word.. LOVE.

i liked this song.. bleeding love
somehow it's nice..
go listen to it and you will neer know.. you might jus fall in love with it...

2008-01-26T00:10:00.000+08:00

it's my sister's birthday today..
that woman is 22 this year..
i will never forget last year on this very day..
it was spent with him..

somehow i donno how to tell ppl that we are over already..
it makes me feel really upset when some asked about him at the party..
i donno wad to say..
i really felt like crying..

it's has only been less than a week...
i had been trying my best to be strong.
cos i know.. i know that my good friends had been very worried about me..
i guess i really need time..
i went through lots with him...
maybe most of you will think that i suffered a lot while i was with him..
but it's still memorable.. be it sweet or sour, bitter or salty...?

anw... i know he moved on already..
i'm trying my best.
expect me to forget him immediately.
i can tell you it's impossible..
but i know i will i know i can...
i wanna cherish those ard me now..
i wanna cherish those times spent with my friends..
i will cherish those who stand by me at this point of time..
i will treasure those who are supporting me now..
cos i know i'm loved by them..
and i wanna love myself too...

only then..
i will slowly start to learn to love someone again...
i wan someone who truly loves me and will treasure me..
treating me well..
accepting who am i..
willing to pamper me at times.
and can communicate well with me..

i cant predict the future.
but i know only if i'm willing to try then i'll move on well..

nites. bye

2008-01-24T21:10:00.000+08:00

somehow i'm feeling rather happy now.
or maybe satisfied.
cos i'm done with my 2 presentations..
it's tiring, exhausting.... i'm feeling shagged...

but somehow don feel like sleeping.. cuz i'm afraid this happy feeling doesnt last long..

too many things on my mind.. don really know wad to say now...
anw. i shall upload a video let you guys see...
it's a short clip done for my presentation..

how about you guys share yr comments about it..

tml is my sis's birthday..
time flies..
still remb last yr.. she celebrated her 21st birthday in a suite at ritz carlton...
i was there with him.. memorable.
nvm..

even though i don have him.. i know i still have my lovely friends who are there for me. loved!

anw. tatas..

2008-01-22T17:02:00.000+08:00

over.. it's over..
i know many of you thinks that it's better..
maybe it might be better or it is better.

but wad i know is that i'm hurting..
hurting so badly.
my heart is bleeding..
but no one sees that...
i'm crying but no one know.
my heart is crying out silently and painfully..

i donno wad to do or wad can i do anymore..
you're so selfish.
so so selfish and i hate this..
i'm so affected by it.. so affected by you
at this point of time i'm also so stressed out with my sch work.
projects and projects.. presentations and exams.. it never seems to stop.
but all these don seems to take my mind off you..
it don seems to take the pain away..

i don really expect anyone to understand how i feel right now..
and i don wish to affect another with how i'm feeling right now.

how i wish my pain can be lessen..
you left me at the time when i needed you most.. you're always like this..

somehow i hope you will come back to me..
but i know those problems cant be solved within a day.
and i'm tired very tired..
i'm trying my best.. and it's taking away all my energy..
i cld barely slp.. i can hardly concentrate...

tell me how tell me why
teach me how.

i guess at this point of time..
i will need to depend alot on my friends.
i will need support from my dearest..

but i wanna promise myself.. to be the clarissa i used to be..
the clarissa who had confidence...
the clarissa who's independent.
the clarissa who spends most of her time with her friends.
the clarissa who my friends and i know of b4 changing cos of him..
the clarissa who others prefer.

i donno.
i jus wanna be me again..
living for myself not jus for him.

but i cant deny i still love him.
loving him every moment.

anw. i'm gonna work at ben and jerry's.. hope this will help to keep my mind off him..

met up with adam, dom and van last week.. on fri after sch.
it was really nice..
cos i never felt so relax or open about such things b4.
it was fun.
and i jus love those times spent with them.
they never fails to make me smile..
you guys are loved!

needa end here.bye.

2007-12-15T15:49:00.000+08:00

i hate you!
you jus hurt me again and again...

ihateyouihateyouihateyou...
you cld jus easily say that will go find another gf and ask that girl to be yr gf....

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love

I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2007-12-07T13:13:00.000+08:00

sick sick sick..
i'm sick again.... :(
in school now.. hais.
had a test early in the morning at 8 la..
so stressed!
had fever last night.. till now.. okay i think subside already.
anw.. i'm losing my voice. so unhappy..
also got block ears...

upset upset upset la..

so tired..
having OOPPJ tutorial now.
jus now had OOPPJ test during prac..
test was quite okay. :))

and baby is talking to me already.. :))
ask him go see doc with me..

byeeeee

2007-12-01T09:32:00.000+08:00

time flies.. and it's our 16th month today.. it's supposed to be 17th month.
but cuz there's this month in particular that we were kinda apart..

anw. i really hope things will be fine soon..
cuz i really miss you baby.

HAPPY 16TH MONTH ANNIVERSARY!

yr baby loves you. it has never changed. maybe jus even more.

2007-11-30T09:47:00.000+08:00

i haven been feeling well..
so stressed.. so tired.
hate it when i'm sick..
fever and diarrhoea.. and all these cause i'm stressed... :(((((((

hais..
clarissa is upset.
clarissa is sick.
clarissa is emo.
clarissa misses him..

clarissa loves him
clarissa wants him
clarissa needs him..
where is he..........?

Tell me one more time..

2007-11-29T22:30:00.001+08:00

have been rather busy with sch.. i thought maybe keeping myself busy would be good.. cuz i wldnt have thea chance to go think about other things.. but i'm wrong.. even how busy am i with my tests, assignments and projects.. he still seems to occupy my mind and heart... i'm feeling so tired.. really really very very tired and upset.. but i guess no one can really understand how i feel..
crying practically every night.. tearing jus for him..

i hate this feeling.. i really don like it.. can anyone someone jus tell me what shld i really do.. can someone jus be me for a day..

this song somehow jus says how i feel.. i changed it abit.. i shall jus let this song express how i feel...

C'mon and tell me baby

Do you believe in love
The way that I do?
And when you find the one
Wherever you go
They'll travel with you
What can I say?
Where do I start?
To pick up the pieces
Of your broken heart

Tell me one more time
Why your heart cannot be mine
Look into my eyes and say
That love has gone
And I’ll be brave enough to walk away
Tell me one more time
Why your dreams cannot be mine
'Cause I won't believe it’s true
Until I hear it from you

Do you believe in love?
There’s no right no wrong, no, no
Love’s just an open road
With different ways of moving on
I dare you to stay
And work this thing out
'Cause leaving is taking
The easy way out

Back in my life
I want you so bad
And losing you is losing all that I had
And this is crazy
So why can't you see
You’re the only one that ever mattered to me

Oh baby
Look into my eyes
Love is truly gone
I will run away
Tell me one more time
Dreams cannot be mine
No I won't believe it
Until I hear it
Until I hear it from you

A good friend of mine asked me " why stay together?"
and i answered that friend of mine that it's a long story..

and now this is my story...

For everyone, the story goes
There’s a special someone
To make them whole
Someone to give their heart completely

And you may search high and low
But when you find your angel
How will you know?
Then you finally get that feeling
It’ll be as clear as the air you’re breathing

That’s when the world feels small beneath your feet
It’s when the stars above are only just out of reach
When you feel you’re alive
For the very first time
And there’s nothing that you can’t rise above
That’s when you know that you’re in love

Who can tell the time and place
When you see your soul reflected in their face
It would be a spell you’re under
And it’ll hit you just like thunder

That’s when the world feels small beneath your feet
That’s when the stars above are only just out of reach
When you feel you’re alive
For the very first time
When you hold them in your arms and can’t let go
And that’s when you know

For all my life
I have been searching for something that I couldn’t find
But now I know you are the one
I understand I read the signs

‘Cause now the world feels small beneath my feet
And all the stars above are only just out of reach
When you feel so alive
For the very first time
And there’s nothing that you can’t rise above
That’s when you know that you’re in love
That’s when you know

but am i right?
is he really the one for me??
i'm sorry but now i cant help it but beginning to doubt bout this..
and ask this question now..
cuz things jus don seems to be alright..
it jus isnt smooth.. it jus don seems right...
why why why..?!
issit all my fault??

ytd i jus told my friend that i'm strong.. but in actual fact i know i'm not.. i'm jus trying to be strong... and there's no easy way out..
everything jus don seems right.. i really need someone to be by my side..

someone asked me..
if i have a yr1 and a yr3 who's wooing me now..
who will i choose..? will i prefer a yr1 jus like me. or a yr3 who's gonna graduate.....
and my answer was.. i donno cuz somehow it's not happening to me.. but i know i will follow my heart cuz yr1 and yr3 doesnt matter, wad matter most to me, is the person itself and who i really want..

too many things on my mind..
i'm exhausted.
extremely exhausted..:(((((((((((((((

the world is not perfect...
i know i'm not perfect.. but i'm trying my best..
cant you see the effort i put in for you..
when will i ever be good enough for you...... :'(

bye.

i'm confused..

2007-11-22T13:23:00.000+08:00

i really donno wad to do and wad can i do already..
i'm really very tired..

finally van is back.. went out with her ytd.. goin out with her is niceeee..
ate at some nice place at taka..
then played pool at meridian..
haven played for a long time.. a nice one. :))
then went for massage..
my dear girl paid for it la..
sweetsss..

hais..
he came to meet me b4 massage.
saying that he help me hold my bag...
he really upset me by doing that..

he took my cam.. some cash and threw the ring in there..
and wad hurts me is that he cant even be bothered with me..
he did wad he wan and jus left my bag with the shop people..
wad is he trying to tell me..
shld i give up..?

so many ppl is telling me to do so..
so discouraged..
i guess he really does matter alot ALOT to me... things that he's doing really upsets me..

really very unlucky..
left my hp in his car...
arhhhhh...!
keep finding excuses not to meet him.. now i really got no choice already...
think he purposely one la.. :((((((
unhappy.. angry la. angry angry angry!

and yet baby is giving me so much prob..
hais..
got something for him already.. wanna give him a surprise..
still haven collect my pay :(
wanna use that to buy him a psp to surprise him...
ppl tell me that i'm stupid..
but i thought even if he leaves me i also wanna give him..

love is blind..
it blinded me..
i love him.. really really love him..
knowing that he's not that gd to me..
i still cant help it..
i wonder does he still love me..

keep on tearing cuz of him..
blogging in sch now..really feel like crying..
it's so hard to tolerate...

bye.

2007-11-09T13:18:00.001+08:00

he's just a son of a bitch :))

2007-10-27T16:06:00.000+08:00

okay. here i am blogging..
pissed.
not cause of him this time...

teh kai wen.. so angry with you.. cant you jus tell me wad yan liang say...
don jus keep avoiding me..
esp when i start that topic..

i'm goin crazy la..
i'm confused..

i jus hope you two don start that "fight" again.. etc

anw. baby's birthday was okay..
met him after my french class..
not my lucky day though... (secret)
cabbed to his place there.. waited outside for him.. and then we made a move to town..
to paragon ((:

hang ard till time to collect his cake and then cabbed down with ray to meet him parents for dinner at jumbo( east coast ).. i asked him to go toilet when i collect the cake :) it was from bakerzin.. specially ordered for him.. with "HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING" written on it.. loves.

after jumbo we headed to one rochester to get some drink and chill.. :( actually mummy and daddy were supposed to meet us but end up didnt cause we wanna to change to my hse... then up the birthday boy threw tantrum so ray, baby and me jus when to get a drink each and leave.. for a short while only.. partly cause of me and cuz baby was kinda drunk. lol. then we cabbed home.. :))

upload some photos the next time.

i miss daddy and mummy(tim and germaine)!! :((
haven met for some time already..
hais..
rather busy..

school haven been that pleasant too.. :((
jus makes me tears. nvm.
lucky i still have my lovely eileen jia yan sharon they all..
and of course pearlyn.
in school.. they make me feel better. at least i know i have them... my pretty girls

jus read mummy's blog.. hope she's okay..
feeling better..
remb i'm always here for you my sweetest germaine..
don let these things make you frown..
cuz you're prettiest with a smile.

i guess not everything can be how we wan it to be..
so no point dwelling on it..

hmmm.. yupp. hope edwin will cheer up too..
don let that matter bother you.. cuz as i said IT'S NOT WORTH IT.
jus treat it as a lesson learnt..
learning from yr experience and move on..
try yr best not to think of it..
it's wasting yr time and energy..
i understand how you feel cause i experienced it b4..
it's hard but nothing is impossible...
so.. my dearest senior.. give me yr biggest, nicest, sweetest and happiest smile from the bottom of yr heart..

oh ya. do you guys know frowning will make yr face have more wrinkles...
so you will grow old/ look older faster...
oh man :( i got a lot of wrinkles already..! :((((

so everybody smile!
loves. tatas.

2007-10-12T14:02:00.001+08:00

it's holiday and i'm blogging in school :((
having some workshop now..
rather bored.

been rather lazy to blog.. :p
guess too much happened..
anw..
daddy's 17th birthday has just gone by. (2nd oct)
his birthday is just ard the corner in bout 3 days time :))
haven buy his present yet :((((((((((

anw.. school is starting soon. hais.
so dreadful..

anw. blog when i'm home :) hopefully
bye.

2007-09-28T00:51:00.000+08:00

i don understand.
too much on my mind too much that i wanna say until i donno how to say.
i'm jus really upset.

within a day and yr attitude change again.
i'm feeling extremely tired
friends over me.. forever.

i love you.

2007-09-12T08:03:00.002+08:00

damn tired! :(
my stupid sis woke me up early in the morning!
gosh la..
quarrelled with her.. :((

ytd was a tiring day..
was baking cake :))
chocolate mud cheesecake..
hope it will be nice
lotsa chocolates used..
cream and cheese too..

quite troublesome though.
have to fry the base etc then bake it for a while then freeze it.
the fillings also.
have to water bake 1 hr then after then leave it in the oven for another 30 mins.
then cool down put toppings and then still cool down then put in the fridge for 6 hrs then can eat already..

wanted to let him eat..mummy and also kw..
but donno la :((

tired.
goin back to sleep.

tatas.

i cant sleep...!

2007-09-11T03:55:00.000+08:00

omg..
can you see the time now?!
3.56 am
I CANT SLEEP FOR NUTS!
oh man..

feeling rather troubled and confused..
lots on my mind. :((

Germaine cheer up k.
hope things will improve between you two k.
no matter wad happens i'm always here for you.
loves.

thanks alex.

and nice marcus is talking on the phone now.. :))
cuz i cant sleep.

nites.

2007-09-09T23:05:00.000+08:00

again and again..
haven i given you enough chances
enough tolerance?

i jus don feel that you really need me
i jus don feel the importance of me to you
you always jus throw tantrum and then come back to me the next day
expecting me to jus forget everything and forgive you.
you never consider how would i feel

you kept saying that you gave in
but issit enough?
didnt i give in too?

you having fun with those girls..
and getting worse..
i already closed an eye.
i had been doing so.. i've done that so many times..
i knew you did those things when you were with me yet cuz i really love you so i closed an eye and gave you chances but you never learn to cherish them...
jus keep msging them..
sayin that cuz you angry then go msg those girls and go find them..
but it's excuses and it is still not reasonable of you to do so

i jus dont understand..
esp you keep adding those **** now.
see those photos of them
you're jus lowering yrself till this stage.

i'm tired
you never fail to make me cry everyday..

bye

2007-08-31T22:16:00.000+08:00

i feel so dumb.
i shouldnt have gone out with you again..
and let you hurt me once more..
:'(

i'm so angry an d upset with you.
how can you jus leave me alone like this..

and i'm also very angry and upset with another person..
cause he broke his promise.
again and again..
i donno how to trust you anymore..
very disappointed...

i'm back at my depression state again..
since ytd.
and now i'm like some idiot crying..
cause i donno why my tears jus cant seems to stop rolling down..

do you know wad it feels like.. waking up from a dream which you were crying in there.
and next thing you noe you are crying..
the whole day jus very depressed and cry.
locking yrself at home and in the room most of the time.
not even willingly to step out of hse.
ran on the trackmil hoping to feel better but end up crying...
i hate this feeling..

spell this
A-S-S-H-O-L-E
i'm not supposed to say this.
but i jus cant help it.

Tired... Over it...? Am i?

2007-08-30T01:14:00.001+08:00

okay. finally! exams are over :))
rather tired.
after the last paper.. me and sharon headed over to town :)
haha.
we went paragon to eat.
took a long time to decide wad we wanna eat..
ended up at spageddies.
nice nice.
but we cld barely finish the food? when we were already sharing..

after that ming came to join us.
as usual he was late.. from 7 to 8 then 8.30 then end up 9 plus goin to 10.
tsk tsk tsk.
and soon sharon left :(

yupp.. played pool at meridian again. with ming..
but didnt play for long.
hang around meridian.. walking at the hotel level.
then both of us sat down and chat and chill.
haven done that for a long time.. nice one i guess/

around 11.30 i left there to go home and ming headed for mambo.
didnt wanna go as i'm rather tired and doubt i'll be able to stay there for long too.
yupp.

and teh kai wen you ps me..! :(
lousy.........

okay.
i'm very confused now.
i really donno wad to do....
donno wad i wan.
you're making me scare, confused and kinda upset.

tell me tell me what to do..
cause i really donno wad to do.
i'm numbed.

can i keep the secret to myself?

I'm over your lies,
and I'm over your games.
I'm over you asking me,
when you know I'm not okay.
You call me at night,
and I pick up the phone.
And though you've been telling me,
I know you're not alone.
oh..

That's why
(your eyes)
I'm over it
(your smile)
I'm over it
(realize)
I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over..

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, it's my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

I'm over your hands,
and I'm over your mouth.
Trying to drag me down,
and fill me with self-doubt.
oh..

That's why,
(your words)
I'm over it
(so sure)
I'm over it
(I'm not your girl)
I'm over it

I'm over it
I'm over...

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, it's my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

Don't call,
don't come by,
ain't no use,
don't ask me why,
you'll never change,
there'll be no more crying in the rain.

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, it's my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

I'm so over it....
I'm over it....

Wanting you,
to be wanting me.
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
because I'm so over..
Moving on, it's my time,
you never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
but now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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daddy is selling it now. and i'm helping him advertise. haha.

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----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY DEXTER :))
(bday on 24th august)

thanks for yr treat.
haha..

tatas. nites.
the phone jus keeps ringing.............

2007-08-22T10:32:00.000+08:00

went town on mon after my paper :))
okay it was quite nice.
met kai wen after so long..

haha. i was late.
okay sorry :(
but it wasnt really my fault..
cuz we cldnt make up our mind where to go. kai wen was supposed to meet me at yio chu kang..
then that ass was late! super late.. tsk tsk tsk.
i stayed in sch and waited for an hr plus for him lucky nice dexter acc me..
end up we decided to meet at PS there.

we bought donuts :)
it was kai wen's treat
then sat at the food centre next to meridian.
i bought 2 coconuts :)) my treat
ate our donuts.. chill.. talked and crapped..
then he ordered summore food.

after that went to play pool..
was supposed to watch movie but in the end didnt cause we were lazy to walk back.
left orchard at 11 plus..

hmmm..
overall it was quite nice..
i felt better i guess..
thanks for the company my dearest friend. :))

so yupp.
met him ytd.
it was kinda sweet of him to come over and bought food for me.
i don really know why.
but actually i do miss you.
yet cant bring myself to tell you.

you've hurt me far more than you can imagine
and it cant be erased within a day or two.
i didnt change i never did..
is jus that we have drifted apart
there's this gap between us which i cant explain.
you know i put my whole heart in and gave off my very best for this relationship..
but the very fact that you cld jus deny it within a sec hurts me.

i guess we need time.
i wont and cant blame you..
cuz it's never one person's fault and most importantly..
i'm never perfect.
sorry.

but always remb.
the memories we shared can never be erased.
the love we had can never be replaced or taken away.
you're always special to me.. and you're special in yr own ways.
loves.

teh kai wen is an ass.
pigg. wake up so late.
i've known this friend of mine since sec 3?
and thanks to this recent happenings that brought us closer and our friendship to a better state.
and once again found my long lost friend :))

see...
(i never really talk bad bout you k.! :p)
hais.
but i'm not gonna trust you anymore..
you belong to the bin :))

not forgetting sth that mummy told me.
he will wait for me if he really loves me and wan me :)
so yupp.
oh man! i'm confused. :((((

anw.
today i'm going out to study..!
okay feeling so stressed. :(

bye.

其实幸福很简单就像你在我身边
静静看着你的脸也许了个心愿
温暖留在我心间
其实幸福很简单平安快乐到永远
轻轻靠着你的肩感受这温暖
不需要任何诺言
这就是快乐也是最平凡
每一刻都由你值得去挥霍
我不要你承诺你的所有
只要我们都记得
同一个幸福片段
其实幸福就是这么的简单

2007-08-19T22:28:00.000+08:00

it's been a boring day..
stressful and tiring.
rather upset with some ppl..

i hate it when ppl break their promises.
i hate it when you lie.
i hate it when he calls and jus doesnt talk keeping me wonder wad is he calling for.

those calls jus upsets me even more.
i've got too many things on my mind..
if you're very close to me and had been talking to me you will know.
i'm troubled. confused.. upset.. stressed up. helpless......................

issit C H E R R Y.
(only someone knows wad i'm talking bout)
i'm not sure.
too confused.. things are too complicated.

can i jus run away?
i wish i cld

2007-08-19T00:08:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINGYIU!

Okay.. it's ming's birthday.. time flies.. it's been 8 yrs since i know ming..
8 yrs of friendship.. my best buddy.
Wish you all the best in everything you do.. and yupp.
And hope that the special person in yr life appears soon :))

hmmm..
feeling slightly better now i guess..
even though still quite depressed.
but i'm trying hard..

and stupid kai wen made me angry today..
tell me go wad temple etc..
wad nonsense.
then summore got drunk but quite funny..
and i wonder how did you climb over yr hse's gate...
seriously.

okay
and i accidentally cut myself today :(
while cutting a pear la.
so dumb.
was bleeding and was damn scare.. cuz hand was trembling..
feel so useless..
don even know how to cut fruits. :(((((
oh man.

i'm trying my best
bye.

2007-08-17T00:09:00.000+08:00

:( feeling rather emo, confused, sad, etc..

jus read mummy's blog jus now..
(for yr info mummy=germaine)

hmm.. i hope things will work out well for mummy and daddy.
cuz i think they are a great pair..
and i believe they truly love each other.
mummy daddy jia you!
like how you ask me to..
remb yr daughter is always there for you.

hais.
he's affecting me alot.. jus seeing his nick makes me sad..
i tell myself to relax and not to care..
but it jus seems so hard.
it's really very hard to smile.
not that i never try..
not that i don wan to..

my tears jus don seems to listen to my mind
but it listens to my heart..

i jus cant seems to forget..
at least for now..
cuz wad we had gone through cant be erased jus like this..
those memories we share are held closely to my heart..
in my mind.

exams are jus ard the corner i hope i can make it through..

but i'm thankful for the support i have received from my dearest friends.
mummy, ming yiu, kai wen, jaslin, dom, adam, van, etc
(sorry if i never name you, don mean that i don thank you k.. i do)
thank you.

Never let you go

2007-08-16T23:47:00.001+08:00

i remb..
i didnt had that chance..
bye.

The rain, just never seems to bring
the joy, I feel the same
everlasting pain of my loss remains

My heart, can't seem to learn to part
the hold you left the mark
all that I dreamed of now it seems so stark

Tho I told myself won't hold my breath
a part of me was dying
there is nothing left for me to do now, but give in

If you gave me, one chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would sing to you and tell you I won't live my life without you
If you gave me, one chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes and you know,
l'd never let you go

The way, you left me on the train
I don't know what to say
I remember everything on that day

I can't believe we'd never dance
I just need one more chance
to share the sunset our one last romance

Tho I told myself won't hold my breath
a part of me was dying
there is nothing left for me to do now, but give in

If you gave me, one chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would sing to you and tell you I won't live my life without you
If you gave me, one chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes and you know,
l'd never let you go

if you gave me, one chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would sing to you and tell you I won't live my life without you
If you gave me, one chance to tell you how i was feeling
I would hold your hand and look in your eyes and you know,
l'd never let you go